There have been some poor little babies over on Amazon who have objected to things in my Saint Tommy NYPD series.
They object to things like…
Jokes about other Catholic orders. Jokes that my father, the 3rd order lay Dominican (OP, not DR), have told since the day I was born.
Their sins being written down and insulted.
Prayers. In something labeled **CATHOLIC** **ACTION** **HORROR** and a series called SAINT TOMMY. I mean, the poor little babies.
Action. In an action novel.
“Waaahhhh! A Christian should be more forgiving and tolerant!!!” — of rapists and murderers and people actively trying to kill our hero. How dare he defend himself.
So, we've got some warnings.
There are minor spoilers kicking around.
Warning: This book contains Catholicism, God, Guns, miracles, America and the presumption that all life is sacred starting from conception. It will also accurately depict abortion, psychopathology, and other things that will be horrific. It's a horror novel, that should be expected. Also, it pokes fun at other Catholic orders and societies, because Catholics have a sense of humor. If you don’t, that’s your problem
Warning: Catholicism and violence ahead. If your favorite sins are insulted, keep reading, there will be more. If you are offended, you were warned. Insulting politicians included. We would apologize for the depictions of ancient Carthage, but the Romans wiped them out, so good riddance. Also, there is some gore ahead. But this is horror, you were warned.
Warning, this novel will have accurate and harsh depictions of politicians and other monsters. Extreme Catholicism ahead. Also, extreme chemistry, prayer, and creatures from Hell. Enjoy.
Warning: the following book contains horrors of the real world, including current events in London (CA 2019), terrorism, atheists in positions of power, and rioting. There will be prayer, God and guns. Read at your own risk. Urban II did nothing wrong.
Warning: This book involves sex trafficking, nudity, demons from Hell, Guns, John Wick level violence, Jewish mysticism, extreme Catholicism, and excessive levels of Deus Vult.
Warning, this is Catholic action horror. There is gore. There are prayers, demons, stupid bureaucrats in clerical garb, and a Lovecraftian Bond villain.
Warning: There are accurate portrayals of Catholicism, Asatru, and dealing with evil. If you have problems with the concept of evil, you have purchased the wrong novel.
WARNING: This novel involves human trafficking, child abuse, Big Tech, an accurate portrayal of Child Protection Services, Anti-Fa thugs and other Socialists.
WARNING: This book may be offensive to ancient Carthage, abortion fetishists, people without a sense of humor, et al. There will be prayers, miracles, corrupt priests, and Italians. If Italians offend you, I was there during COVID-19, I assure you they offend me more.
WARNING: This book portrays pedophilia as the crime is it, and the belief that perpetrators should have a millstone tied to their neck. Extreme Deus Vult level Catholicism ahead. Accurate portrayals of the history of Hollywood and corrupt politicians included.
WARNING: This book has action, Catholicism, evil witches, kicking the crap out of evil, Chinese spies, evil academics, dismemberment by zoo animal, and combat exorcists. If any or all of these cause you sadness, grief, or mild annoyance, consider removing the stick from your ass.
WARNING: Catholicism, action, a sense of humor, and no sympathy for the devil. Also, there will be no body positivity, and no pandering to mental disorders.
Fan suggestions
A fan of mine drew up some more. Funny enough, his name is Brendan Kelly … the name of someone I went to high school with. But they’re not the same person. Anyway, just funny. And some of these are variations on those above, so pardon the repetition. I just wanted to keep his funny variants distinct from my original attempts.
Warning: This book contains Catholicism, God, guns, miracles, a belief in America, and the presumption that all life is sacred starting from conception; all of which are extremely unpopular with the governments of the City, County, and State of New York. It also accurately depicts abortion, psychopathology, and other horrific things. It's a horror novel, that should be expected. Furthermore, it pokes fun at various Catholic orders and societies, because Catholics have a sense of humor. May not be legal in the State of California. Do not dry clean.
Warning: The following book contains horrors of the real world, including current events in London (CA 2019), terrorism, rioting, and atheists in positions of power. There will be prayer, God, and guns. Possession and/or sale of this book within the boundaries of the United States Judicial District for the Southern District of New York is purely at your own risk. Not to be taken orally. Do not read if you are allergic to Catholicism, Theology, Morality, or Rational Thought. This book is not to be fastened to the boat. Do not expose to temperatures over 450 F.
Warning: This book involves sex trafficking, nudity, politicians and other demons from Hell, Guns, John Wick level violence, Jewish mysticism, extreme Catholicism, and excessive levels of Deus Vult. Urban II did nothing wrong. Not for sale in Turkish occupied Byzantium. This book is not certified as organic or gluten free. This book has not been rated by The National Fire Protection Agency (NFPA) and is not to be used for fighting electrical fires. Not tested for personal protection from impact.
Warning: This novel contains accurate and harsh depictions of politicians, monsters, and other creatures from hell. Any resemblances to real politicians is hereby declaimed by the author and publisher and any inferences that said real politicians may have sold their souls, and/or be agents of The Evil One are purely a function of the readers own intelligence, perceptive ability and knowledge of current events. Extreme Catholicism and prayer ahead. May cause feelings of excitement, guilt, repentance, a desire for salvation, and/or hope for the future. Not to be read while operating heavy machinery or while performing cardiac surgery.
Warning: This novel belongs to the genre of Catholic action horror. There is gore, prayer, demons, and stupid bureaucrats in clerical garb; so it’s pretty much just like real life. Warning: reading this book may result in excitement, loss of sleep, serious theological thought, interest in the Catholic church, interest in the Crusades, and/or a desire to fight evil. Read at your own risk. May not be legal in the State of California. Store in a cool, dry place.
Warning: This book contains accurate portrayals of Catholicism, Asatru, and contains several unflattering descriptions of evil. It is not recommended for people who support evil, enjoy evil, actively aid and abet evil, people who have sold their souls to the Devil, or people who have not yet learned to read. Use, possession, and/or sale of this book within the District of Columbia is at your own risk. This book has not been approved by the United States Coast Guard for use as a floatation device.
Warning: Reading this book can expose you to ideas, including eternal, universal, and objective truths, all of which are extremely unpopular in the State of California. Public support or espousal of these ideas may cause serious physical, financial, and reputational harm.
Warning: This book may expose you to ideas that are known to the State of California to cause thought, curiosity, excitement, interest in the meaning of life, interest in God, a sense of purpose and direction, a desire for eternal salvation, and/or hope for the future. Please read responsibly. Do not throw at cats, birds, dogs or other creatures. Not to be used in the manufacture of ice cream or other dairy products.
Warning! This book may contain deep knowledge from beyond the dawn of time, and information certain demonic entities do not want you to know, or it may not. Honestly we never really bothered to check for that.
Warning: Reading this book can expose you to proven, traditional values and ideas, including eternal, universal, and objective truths, all of which are extremely unpopular in certain circles. Public support or espousal of these ideas may cause serious physical, financial, and reputational harm, including intimidation, death threats, hate mail, boycotts, and even an assassination attempt from ideological opponents!
