Pardon me as I channel my inner Critical Drinker.
Long time ago, back when people still cared about comic book films … or any films … I would break down ads, and analyze certain things from a writing point of view.
I haven’t done many in the last few years because, well, I haven’t seen a single ad that I cared about one way or another.
Some of these characters were ruined before the ad dropped (we’re making a Black Widow movie after Endgame? Really?) or the ads have been so generic that I couldn’t tell you what I was looking at.
James Gunn’s Superman — he didn’t look like anyone else’s Superman — just looked bland and colorless. Because James Gunn can’t do “good people” as characters. They have to be quirky, with offbeat humor, and a soundtrack at least as old as I am. The only part of the Superman ads that made me even remotely interested was the John Williams music.
But now, the DCU films have accomplished what no one else could. They have made me feel something about a comic book film other than apathy.
Disgust.
Revulsion.
You see, DC has released their Supergirl trailer.1
And having seen the trailer, I can sum up my feelings as a big old “F you, no. Have a nice life.”
Or, in an approximation of Critical Drinker, “For the love of God, another James Gunn movie, by a James Gunn wannabe. From the soundtrack, to the humor. Just f*** off, film.”
If you saw James Gunn’s Superman, you realized that the presentation of Supergirl is presented purely as “drunken a-hole.”
The trailer is very much just that. Only with additional James Gunn soundtrack and some snarky lines.
Jason Bromoa2 is there, as promised, in a Lobo cameo so fast that if you blinked, you missed it, with lighting so bad that if you didn’t know to look for him, you wouldn’t have seen him.
And you know that if anyone sees this movie, it will be for Lobo. That split-second view seems to be the only thing anyone is talking about the day after.
The trailer opens with James Gunn music on a record player, and James Gunn’s dog urinating on a newspaper with Superman’s face on it.
Supergirl is then on another planet, getting plastered with enough alcohol to float a cruise ship—because is it a James Gunn film without a main character being a drunken or libidinous a-hole?
And then, in James Gunn fashion, the rest of the trailer is pure havoc. There are random, flashing images that make no sense. Unhinged violence. Explosions. And none of it even looks particularly exciting.
And the narration … That’s where the trailer gets worse. Yes, because there is no bottom, it will always get worse.
I especially liked3 Supergirl’s narration of “Superman sees the good in everybody. I see the truth.”
Well, screw you very much, film. I had no interest in seeing you before. Now I have negative interest.
For the record, the Supergirl line SHOULD HAVE BEEN:
“Superman sees the good in everyone… And that’s why he puts up with me.”
Because if you’re going to to have a Supergirl with this much self-loathing that she’s a drunken mess, then you might as well go all the way.
So, why?
Why is it this bad?
Is it just James Gunn? Oh no. It’s worse than just Gunn’s influence.
There’s also Tom King.
If you don’t know Tom King, cast your mind back a few years. Remember when DC built up a storyline about Batman marrying Catwoman, but it ended with a rug-pull at issue 50 (of a planned 100 issue run)? That was Tom King. That rug-pull killed the sales of the entire run as dead as disco.4
Tom King’s Supergirl run been cited as the influence of this film5…
That must have been a really crappy run. I didn’t even hear about him being on it.
Tom King’s take on Supergirl is as a “grizzled drunken gunslinger.”
So, DC hired a 22 year old blonde to play John Wayne as Rooster Cogburn in True Grit?
Does anyone hear just how dumb this sounds?
So, why can’t the writers just like Supergirl be the female version of Superman? The best of us, with superpowers?
Because then she wouldn’t be a James Gunn character. Or even a Tom King character.
It’s not about giving the audience what they want.
It’s about serving the audience what these nihilist jerks want, and the audience will LIKE IT.
And this is the James Gunn method. James Gunn music and jokes and nihilism. If we’re lucky there’s going to be some sort of actual heroism in there by accident. He got away with it for Guardians because they’re not exactly the most well-known characters Marvel has, so there’s nothing to ruin.
With DC’s super-family? People know them and have certain expectations. This does not meet any of them.
Pardon me, I think I’m going to rinse my brain out by watching Helen Slater as Supergirl. The film was bad, but her character was at least presented like someone gave a damn.
Illegitimi non carborundum, y’all.












