While doomscrolling Instagram the other day, I tripped over a story that, well…
Apparently, James Gunn says it’s SOOO hard to do a Batman film, because so many Batman stories have been told. It’s so overexposed. Batman’s boring…
Yes. Really. Gunn said that.
Closing in on 100 years of Batman, and he can’t find a story that hasn’t been done. Yeah. Sure.
Pardon me while I count off the number of possibilities they could run in the footnote.1
Because right now, there are side quests from the Batman: Arkham Games that could make better films than some of what I’ve seen for the past five years.2
But then again, James Gunn is relying on notorious one-trick pony Tom King for his comic book knowledge. If you don’t know, Tom King’s notoriety comes from a Batman run where he set up a Batman / Catwoman marriage, and then rug-pulled everyone. News about the face-plant leaked the week before the comic issue released. King’s comic book sales catered. He was kicked off… and sent to a Supergirl miniseries. And that series is the basis of the new movie…
Ugh. For the love of…
I can’t imagine why Gunn says he has a problem adapting Batman, can you?
Of course, we all know the real reason.
Gunn says Batman is overexposed.
What Gunn means is that it's hard to make an ADHD, quippy, quirky team film centered on Batman.
In other words, it's not really hard to make a Batman film.3 It’s just difficult to make Batman a James Gunn character.
Of course, we know what we'd get from a Gunn Batman film:
We'd get Batman Forever, but with the real focus being on “the Outsiders”4—a quirky team of misfits that tangentially connect to the Bat-Family.
The real main character would really be the former Robin Jason Todd, in his adult version as Red Hood.
It'll confuse frenetic, frantic motion with action, and be filled with quirky, quippy humor. Because Gunn.
Moral of the story will be "the real family are the friends we made along the way."
Because Gunn has one trick. And I'm not sure I liked it the first time. It’s starting to look like fewer and fewer people like it, as well.
So, no, I don’t see James Gunn making a Batman film with his usual gimmick, unless he wants to remake Adam West for "modern audiences."
Meanwhile, if Chuck Dixon5 or Mike Baron6 wrote, consulted, or even gave the nod to a Batman film script, it would be a film I would drag my family to. Why? Because it would involve good writers at the very foundation of the script. Even if Gunn was involved.
How likely is it that James Gunn would bring in a competent, comic book veteran to help with a script?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Like Gunn would let that happen. A veteran comic book author who knows the total breadth and depth of the subject would produce a superior product … not a James Gunn product.
We already know Gunn is using Tom King for his comic book lore. Because why use a successful comic book author? Gunn has to read comics that fit closer to his style.
Let us, for example, take the upcoming DC project, Supergirl.
I mean, Supergirl is going to be another big budget film, isn’t it? It wants to be part of a billion-dollar franchise, right? It’s going to cost at least $100 million to make, isn’t it?
Surely, James Gunn is going to hire only the best writers to tackle a project this important, isn’t he?
Surely, the script writer Gunn hired has written plenty of screenplays…
Of course not.
Meet script writer Ana Nogueria.
These are her writing credits:
Well, that’s … not good.
No, really, why are we entrusting a hundred million-dollar project to someone who has only ever written a short?
Is Gunn relying on director Craig Gillespie to do the heavy lifting? The director of the 2011 Fright Night remake, I, Tonya, and Cruella?
Based on the last two, I guess this will be even less Supergirl, and more Sympathy for the Devil.
You may have noticed there is a a trend in most (if not all7) of the post-Endgame comic book films. The standard operating procedure is to hire nobodies to write and / or direct, to churn out the product desired by whoever is calling the shots these days—be it the corporate Kevin Feige, or James Gunn. Bringing the Russo brothers back for Doomsday was so notable because everyone previously was brought in to follow orders. Even Sam Raimi. How do you waste Sam Raimi like that…?
Yeah, yeah. I’m cranky. Get off of my lawn.
I guess if you’re a DC comic book fan, I hope you like James Gunn Films. because as long as Gunn is in charge of DC (and nothing makes him change), you’re going to get James Gunn films, no matter whose the writer and the director.
So yes. To circle back to where we began, of course Gunn is going to have problems making a Batman film…
Unless, of course, you liked Batman Forever. If you liked Batman Forever, you’re going to love what comes next. I can see it now. Batman is a literal, humorless bruiser. Batgirl will be super serious and killing people. Jason Todd will be a loveable goofball and mass murderer. The character with the most emotional range will be Cassandra Cain, who will have absolutely no dialogue, and probably played by Pom Klementieff.8 And probably Metamorpho will be thrown in to acknowledge the original 1980s lineup, and Gunn already has that character in James Gunn’s Superman.
And since Tom King is his source material, Catwoman will be a pathological-level thief, who will steal for the sake of stealing, no matter how much actual money she has.9
James Gunn “can’t make a Batman film” with his usual formula. Please. Paul Dini pulled off better Batman films in 40 minutes of cartoon than Gunn could in three hours and a half-billion dollar budget.
So yeah, maybe I’m cynical. Maybe I’m cranky. Maybe I’m so out of touch with the mainstream, that Gunn is an absolute freaking genius.
But I don’t think so.
Pardon me, I have this sudden urge to watch Mask of the Phantasm.
Illegitimate non carborundorum, y’all.
Seriously. How about someone does “Batman versus eco-terrorist Poison Ivy?” No, really, you could make a Batman movie if you just adapted “Heart of Ice,” maybe with Gene Simmons as Mister Freeze (He has the right voice.) Maybe Feat of Clay, with Ron Perlman. How about you take any two-part Batman cartoon voiced by Kevin Conroy and expand it to a 90 minute film, and you’re done? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, GUNN, YOU IGNORANT RETARD?
No, Matt Reeves, I didn’t need to see a film in The Batman. I’ll just bring my NVGs and hope I can see something.
Remember my reaction to Gunn’s Supergirl trailer? Which somehow, supposedly, has no Gunn involvement? (Pull the other one, it has bells on). Let’s just say I was ahead of the curve on that one when I said I channeled my inner Critical Drinker.
After I wrote this article, I discovered that Gunn is making … A Brave and the Bold movie. That’s one way to make arbitrary team movie out of random DC characters.
Are you familiar with the original Knightfall storyline with Bane? That would be Chuck Dixon. I’ve reviewed some of his books over at Upstream.
In comic books, Mike Baron is best known for The Punisher. Also writes some awesome novels. Most recently the Tenure novels with Blaine Pardoe, and the upcoming Seer. Also see Upstream.
To be frank, after I got through 50% of the IMDB pages, I gave up. It was just too stupid. These people have few if any credits, and they’re handed million-dollar movies because they’ll be good little puppets who won’t buck the studio.
I wouldn’t hold my breath. I actually kind of like that casting. So of course it won’t happen. Could we have Chuck Dixon do that film?
I’m not even making that up. Tom King’s Catwoman stole a $10,000 wedding dress for her wedding TO BATMAN. Why? Because.
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