#RabidPuppies Bite Back: The SWATting of Moira Greyland

As I said the other day, I was unaware of  who or what a "Moira Greyland" was until I tripped over her in a Facebook group. Even then, I didn't know anything about her aside from that she was nominated for ... a thing.

Then Brian Niemeier explained exactly who she was. Then I was upset.

However, before I learned about that, I explained to someone in the introductory Facebook thread what Puppies had to do with anything by posting my Sad Puppies tab to the thread. Of course, this included Sad Puppies Bite Back, and the SWATting attempts on all the "Evil Legion of Evil" version of the Puppies. They of course, end hilariously.

I will highlight that all of these SWATtings are, to my knowledge, completely and utterly FICTIONAL. It was a combination of the exaggerated, "Evil" caricatures of the Puppies, and the SWATting tactics of the anti-#GamerGate trolls who joined forces with Puppy Kickers last year (see: Arthur Chu). If any of the Puppies have been SWATted, someone let me know.

Madam Greyland also looked at SPBB, and proposed how she should be SWATted.

I resisted the urge. I really did.

Then I was staring at a blank screen, wondering what I was going to write today. And then, frankly Screw it.

CRY HAVOC! AND LET SLIP THE PUPPIES OF WAR!

Texas

Moira "Modred" Greyland 

If you don't know who or why the nickname ... you might be missing something 

[SWAT leader looks around. They only have 15 guys. It technically should be enough, but it is Texas, after all] Okay, the 911 call said she has a weapon in there, it's loaded. and she's ready to us it. Research tells us that she's against transgender bathrooms and gay marriage, so don't worry if the 911 call is inaccurate.

[SWAT nods. They are all hand picked from West Texas, and possibly the only Texas cops who didn't vote for Rick Perry]

[SEAT leader] 3 ... 2.... 1... GO GO GO.

[SWAT takes the door. Musical chimes next to the door ring out with strains of "Modern Major General," SWAT #2 shoots the chimes, changing the tune to "Admiral of the Queen's Navy."  SWAT continues to sweep into the house, slipping on sheet music.]

[SWAT Leader] Keep going. I think I hear something.

[Off screen] You better, I'm practicing on a harp. And I can hear you trashing my house. Come in already.

[SWAT sweeps into a parlor.  In the center is Moira "Modred" Greyland, in a Disney Princess gown, hands still on her harp] May I help you gentlemen?

[SWAT leader is about to open his mouth when he feels something at his feet. He looks down and discovers an adder sliding up his leg. He goes stone still, and slowly looks at his men. They have similar problems with other adders. He says, in a harsh whisper] What's with the snakes?

[Greyland shrugs, and said, terribly polite] My mother's fans are allergic to even the sight of them. Their venom sacs have been removed, I only need them for fright factor. Now, may I help you?

[SWAT leader] We heard about a homophobe with a gun here.

[Moira gently bangs her head against the harp] More of you people? Really. Considering what happened to me, did you not think that I might have an opinion in the matter? Some insight? Seriously, does everyone have the empathy of a sociopath? Nevermind, Hannibal Lecter had more empathy than those twits and ... you can move, you know that, right?

[SWAT team frozen in terror. Moira rolls her eyes.]

Three Days Later

[SWAT team dances through the parlor, singing Gilbert and Sullivan's "A Policeman's Lot is Not a Happy One." Some of them are wearing the adders as necklaces.]

[Moira continues to play, and mutters aloud] i'm going to have to find out if I have any more room in the D'Oyly Carte company. If they update it, they can use the SWAT gear for props.

[Singing continues as the camera pulls away, and we FADE TO BLACK.]

For the record, Moira Greyland's only contribution to this was mentioning the last bit with teaching the cops Gilbert and Sullivan. That was it. The rest is a result of my own deranged mind.

Okay, my logic on the nickname: given the history on her mother's "major work," which was slash fanfic from Hell, anything that would wreck Camelot would be a plus. Why not Morgan Le Fey? Because she was the lead in those crappy novels. Yes, Bradley's major work boiled down to doing Wicked with the Arthur Legend, and it sucked. Imagine Politically Correct Fairy Tales, only meant to be taken seriously.

If Modred was also made a positive force in that slash fanfic from Hell, forgive me. It was such f**king drivel, it made me want to bash my brains against a rock, and I didn't get that far.

As for the adders ... look it up, it's in the Arthur Legend.

EDIT

I hate to break it to you, but the rest of this post has been moved to a different location. Where, you might ask?

Here: To the Collected SAD PUPPIES BITE BACK, in Paperback and Kindle.