Review: Murder in the Vatican, The Church Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes

I recently discovered that this blog post disappeared from the blog.

It needs to come back.

When I was thirteen, I started reading through the collected stories of Sherlock Holmes. I made it about halfway through. I had been stopped dead by "The Adventure of the Gloria Scott"—one of two times that Holmes was the narrator.  I wasn't the only one who had a problem with that story. Another author of the day, G.K. Chesterton, said that the Gloria Scott showed why Watson was relevant: because Holmes was an awful storyteller.

Since then, I have been critical of anything about Sherlock Holmes written after the death of Arthur Conan Doyle. Some stories went wildly off track. Others were riddled with so many anachronisms it was painful. Of the vast quantity of Holmes-related material published, my family of readers owns only a fraction.

When Robert Downey Jr. starred in Sherlock Holmes, I crossed my fingers and hoped it didn't suck … instead, I got a checklist of what they did right.

When Doctor Who scribe and show runner Steven Moffat created a show called Sherlock, I also crossed my fingers. It was surprisingly awesome.

Then I heard about Murder in the Vatican. The Church Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes on the newsletter for the Catholic Writers Organization. It had an interesting premise: author Ann Margaret Lewis takes Watson's offhand references of Holmes working on cases for the Pope, or involving religious figures, and turns them into entire stories.

I experienced the same feeling of dread. How off would the narration be? Would someone try converting Holmes? How lost would a detective from Victorian, Anglican England be in Catholic Rome? How many different ways were there to screw this up?


I stopped worrying when I read the first sentence.  And, oh my God, this book is awesome!  I loved this book....

Lewis caught the voice of Dr. John Watson as though she had taken it, trapped in a bottle, and used it to refill her pen into as she wrote. I liked the voice. I liked Watson, the doctor, trying to diagnose an ailing Leo XIII (85 at the time of the events of the first story). I like the brief sketch of the political situation between the Vatican and Italy. I even enjoy Watson's discomfort at the Pope slipping into “The Royal We” when he speaks of himself as The Pope.  Even the artwork was as though it had been lifted from issues of The Strand magazine.

Someone had fun here, and it shows.

Thankfully, there is no overt attempt to convert Holmes, evangelize or proselytize him. There is only enough theology in the entire novel that explains to the casual reader exactly what the heck the Pope is doing. The closest the book comes to exposing Holmes to theology is a page-long sequence that ends with Leo saying, “Perhaps you should spend some of your inactive time pondering that conundrum [of Jesus] instead of indulging in whatever narcotic it is with which you choose to entertain yourself.”  That is the best zinger I've ever seen a character use on Holmes regarding his drug use.  Even the most secular person I know can appreciate a page of theology for one of the better one-liners I've ever seen.

Also, the little things were entertaining for a nerd like me. For example, the casual mention of John Cardinal Newman, referred to as “a recent convert.” The political situation at the time is given just enough of a sketch to explain what's going on, but nothing obtrusive; history nerds like me can be satisfied, but you don't have to have a degree in it to comprehend what's going on.

There are truly parts where the novel seems to merge all the best qualities of Sherlock Holmes with those of G.K. Chesterton's Fr. Brown short stories ...

At this point, I must make a small confession. I write these reviews as I read the book. There is plenty of backtracking, to fill the blanks, and rewrite it as the book goes. I wrote the above line when I finished the first tale. In fact, the interview questions I sent to Ann Margaret Lewis were written before I even received a review copy of the book.  I then read “The Vatican Cameos,” and discover a Deacon, named Brown …

I swear I didn't see that coming.

The first story in this collection is "The Death of Cardinal Tosca."

In this memorable year '95 a curious and incongruous succession of cases had engaged his attention, ranging from his famous investigation of the sudden death of Cardinal Tosca -- an inquiry which was carried out by him at the express desire of His Holiness the Pope  . . . .

—Dr. John H. Watson, “The Adventure of Black Peter”

Imagine Sherlock Holmes on vacation … if you see that vacation turning out like an episode of Murder, She Wrote, with a body hitting the floor at some point, you pretty much have the setup. It has a poison pen letter, with real poison, some Masons, references to two different cases in the space of two paragraphs, and a Papal commando raid with a real pontiff. This story is so delightfully odd and over-the-top, but still preserves as much reality as any other Holmes tale. I enjoyed every moment of it. And I can't argue with any story where the pope gets most of the amusing one-liners.

Heck, even the murderer gets in a good line.  When confronted, our first killer sneers.  “Let me guess. You're going to explain, to the amazement of your friends, how I did the deed?”  Holmes replies, “I've already told them that. It would be old news. They already know you blundered badly.”

I think the story concludes on a nice, solid note.  As Holmes tells Watson, “[Leo XIII] is genuinely pious. He is also imperious, but in a most endearing way.”

Watson merely replies, “Yes, well. I'm used to that.”

The second tale, "The Vatican Cameos," is a bit of a flashback episode to when Holmes first met the Pope. Leo XIII has sent a collection of cameos to Queen Victoria. The cameos are secured tightly in the box they're delivered in, but upon their arrival in London, the box is empty. The Queen has a simple solution: send Sherlock Holmes. Watson is busy with a medical emergency, so he wasn't around.

When Watson asks Sherlock about the incident, Holmes says, quite clearly “Watson, I am incapable of spinning a tale in the way you do. The narrative would read like a scientific treatise.”

Madam Lewis certainly read "The Adventure of the Gloria Scott."

So, there is only one person left who can narrate this tale … the Pope himself. This was the story that truly showed that the author did her research, assembling little details of Leo XIII's interests and hobbies and putting them together into a rich, vibrant character. He is shown here as witty, humorous, and bright.

The byplay between Leo XIII and Holmes in this story was marvelously entertaining. The Pope is shown to be about as smart as Watson … maybe a little smarter. When Holmes first meets the Pontiff, and rattles off conclusions in his usual rapid-fire manner, the Pope takes a minute, and deduces how Holmes came to most of them. Not all, but most. This is a wonderful inversion of what is so typical of early Sherlock Holmes films—in the Basil Rathbone movies, whenever Holmes walked onto the screen, the IQ of everyone in the room dropped about ten points. Making Leo this smart only serves to make Holmes as impressive as he should be—yes, everyone else may be smart, but Holmes is smarter.

Also, having Leo XIII using Thomas Aquinas to talk with Holmes of reason and science … it works for me.

And the scene with Holmes, the Pope, and the gunman was fun, too.

"You know that I am preoccupied with this case of the two Coptic Patriarchs, which should come to a head to-day."

Sherlock Holmes, “The Retired Colourman”

"The Second Coptic Patriarch": The third and final tale is from yet another throwaway line of Arthur Conan Doyle's.

In this case, a former criminal comes to Holmes to solicit his services; the priest who converted him away from his life of crime is in jail for murder. A bookstore owner has been murdered with a book (“The Rule of Oliver Cromwell--weighty subject, no doubt,” Holmes quips), and the priest will only say that the victim was dead when he arrived.  It's almost Sherlock Holmes meets Alfred Hitchcock ... I didn't know someone could do I Confess like this. It's a fun little read, and possibly the most traditional of the Holmes stories -- it's a good tale.  From the perspective of the overall book, it's a perfect cap to the character arc.

Now, after reading Murder in the Vatican, I think I'm going to go back and finish the Sherlock Holmes series -- and keep Murder in the Vatican handy, so I can read them all in chronological order.

Ann Lewis said that the book was "meant to be fun and lift your heart for a short time. I had a blast writing it, and I hope you have a blast reading it."

Mission accomplished.

At the time I read this book, I had been reading another recent work of Sherlock Holmes-related fiction called The Sherlockian.  It was written by a Graham Moore, and it was about a Sherlock Holmes nerd who was sucked into a murder mystery.

Between the two of them, read Murder in the Vatican.


And, now, a surprise .... a sneak peek of the novel.


Enjoy.

An Excerpt

From “The Case of Cardinal Tosca”

“Good Lord.” Harden’s face grew pale. “Rosalinda—!”

Pope Leo blanched as well. Tapping his right fist in his opposite hand, he turned to look out the window behind him. The rain clouds had now blotted the sun, making it seem as dusk in the early afternoon sky.


The pope turned back to us, his dark eyes flashing with decision. “Giocomo!” He commanded suddenly. “Come here.”

Father Dionisio came quickly to his master’s side.

“Remove your cassock.”

“Holiness?”

“Subito!” As Leo spoke, he lifted the pectoral cross over his head and set it on the table. He then unwrapped the sash from around his waist and tossed it on his chair. “Presto! Presto! We have no time to waste.”

Hurriedly, the young man unbuttoned his cassock even as Leo unbuttoned his own. Holmes came around the table and knelt to help Leo with the lower buttons.

“What on earth —?” I asked.

“You’ll see,” said Holmes.

Dionisio removed his cassock and stood in simple black shirt, clerical collar and black trousers. Holmes helped Leo slip out of his white cassock and into the black gown provided by Dionisio. The black was almost the right size, though fuller through the midsection due to Dionisio’s thicker frame.

“You’re not serious, Holiness,” said Harden. “You’re not actually leaving the Vatican. Someone may recognise you—”


“‘If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship,’” Leo replied, quoting what I later learned was Aquinas. “‘He would keep it in port forever.’” He buttoned the top of the cassock while Dionisio crouched to fasten the bottom. “We must go. An innocent child is in danger for my sake.”

“Signore Harden is right, Holiness,” said Dionisio from floor. “This is madness.”

“Basta.” Leo pulled the young man from the ground by the elbow. He gestured emphatically with an open hand to the top of his head. “Portami un cappello. Presto!” Dionisio dashed into the next room. “And black stockings and shoes—ah, never mind I’ll find something.” The pontiff marched with remarkable energy into a side room that I guessed to be his sleeping area and returned promptly with black calf-length boots. His gentleman servant now trailed him protesting in rapid Italian as His Holiness moved. While the pontiff sat on a small bench to kick off his red slippers and pull on the boots, the agitated servant knelt beside him rambling so quickly that neither Harden nor I could decipher any meaning from him.

Apparently the meaning didn’t register to Leo either. “Basta, basta, BASTA!” He barked, stomping his boot-covered foot. He pointed a thumb to his chest. “Ego sum Petros!” He made sweeping gesture to drive the man from in front of him. “Vai!” Struck with terror, the butler dodged from the old man’s path as Leo charged to a baroque style cherry wood cabinet. From it he removed a worn, black leather case that he tucked under his arm. He finished buttoning his cuffs and Dionisio returned with a small, wide-brimmed black hat, which Leo snatched from him. He then plucked off his white zucchetto and slapped it into the bewildered priest’s hands.

“Allora, Signori,” Leo said to us, dropping the black hat on his head. “Andiamo.”

“You’ve forgotten one detail, Padre,” said Holmes, in reference to the pope’s new attire.

“Che?”

“L’anello.” Holmes held up his right hand and pointed to his fourth finger.

“Ah.” Leo pulled the fisherman’s ring from his finger and dropped it into the left pocket of the black cassock. The young priest then handed him a tall black umbrella, and Leo set its end to the floor with authoritative thud.

It is amazing how clothes can change the appearance of a man. Where once stood the proverbial Vicar of Christ on Earth, now stood a simple, venerable Italian priest. Strangely, he resembled the aged Italian cleric persona Holmes once adopted to avoid the notice of Professor Moriarty.

I glanced at Holmes and saw him giving me a knowing grin. “Very well then,” he said. “As the man says—let’s go.”

#CyberMonday 2017: Give the Gift of Books this Christmas

As I've done every year, this is just a list to make your shopping lives easier -- for Black Friday, or for the upcoming Cyber Monday. Because giving the gift of books is always a good thing.

You might want to try some of these items below. I've even reviewed a few of them.

In short: give the gift of books to people you care about. They're cheaper than iPods. Heh.

As with last year, I will start with suggesting my own novels. Not even all of my own novels, just some of them. The newest ones, for starters.

To start with, there's the Dragon Award nominated Love at First Bite series.  Because everyone loves this novel. Is it because it's romance? It is because it's vampires? Urban Fantasy? A little YA-ish? A little Christian-fic?

I have no idea.

But if you're new here, it's about a boy meeting a girl.  One of them is a homicidal monster. The other's just a vampire. It has Vatican Ninjas, and holy water burning vampires, and sunlight killing unholy monsters AND NONE OF THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE, DAMNIT.

Ahem. Anyway.

For the record, we mustn't forget the Set to Kill. Which is basically taking Sad Puppies Bite Back, and taking it to a whole new level of insane. It's another part of the Murder Con Series, including It Was Only On Stun!

Basically, take insane security agent who is a "mundane" at an SF convention

Drop him head first into the culture.

Drop the bodies to the floor.

Hilarity ensues.

Codename: Winterborn .... the "other" novel, also strangely well reviewed. Genre: character-driven scifi espionage. While on a mission to the Islamic Republic of France, Lt. Kevin Anderson's team is betrayed by the politicians who sent them. As the only survivor, Anderson must stop the senators involved before the next team is slaughtered on the altar of political greed. He's certain he won't survive, but he will make this sacrifice, for his Codename is Winterborn.

 I recommend this for all fans of Baen novels -- like John Ringo, David Weber, and even your straight up thriller writers, like Vince Flynn, Brad Thor, et al.

There is, of course, the sequel: Codename: UnSub, which only just came out.

For those of you who might think that distopias aren't dark enough, I bring you....

Dystopias plus a superpowered serial killer.

Yes. Because I like making things even harder than they already are.

Buahahaha.

Anyway....

Several of the following books you may have seen before.

Torchship / Torchship Pilot by Karl Gallagher: For anyone who really wanted Firefly to be good, this should be your cup of tea. Heck, for fans of: Firefly, David Weber, early David Weber, and people who would be really entertained by protagonists in an SF novel doing their calculations by slide rule.

Iron Chamber of Memory - For adults only, really...or any mature 12 year old, like I was. I don't care in what format you buy it, but you owe it to yourself to buy at least one copy for yourself, though I recommend buying half a dozen, just so you can immediately hand out copies to your friends.
Review here

The Big Sheep - Perfect for anyone who likes SF mysteries, mild dystopias, and Terry Pratchett. As far as I'm concerned, if Rob Kroese wants to keep putting out books about Erasmus Keane for the rest of his life, I'll happily use him as a substitute for Sir Terry Pratchett. (Review Here)

Chasing Freedom -- for anyone who sees the USA falling to fascism, but also sees some small hope in our future. A Dystopia that doesn't make you want to slit your wrists. Yay. (Review here)

Murder in The Vatican: The Church Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes -- if you've been reading my blog for a long time, you know that I loved this one, and I can't possibly recommend it enough.... and then there's The Watson Chronicles, which is even better.  The only books I will recommend over my own, and I'm told my books are pretty awesome, so, yeah...

The Book of Helen -- dang, this was a kickass little novel.  The West Wing meets the Trojan war, this novel goes beyond the "they all lived strangely ever after" of Helen of Troy, and follows the rest of her life after she came home from Troy.  Yes, Helen did have an "after Troy."  You know the mythology, and now, this is the rest of the story.

Black Tide Rising -- For those people who hate zombies ... you can like this, at the very least.

[Review here]Ordinance 93:  I've reviewed this book (on Amazon), I've interviewed this author back when Examiner.com still existed. Ordinance 93 is a thriller that sort-of centers around abortion, but is mostly a fun chase novel. I'd actually like the next one to come up.

Infinite Space, Infinite God II .... a Catholic scifi-anthology, so, yeah...fun.

Greater Treasures -- Imagine the Maltese Falcon with dragons. Nuff said.

Stealing Jenny, by Ellen Gable: After 5 miscarriages, Jenny is about to have a pregnancy come to full term... until a psychotic woman kidnaps her and chains her in her basement with the intention of taking the child for her own. I liked this one.

Amy Lynn and Amy Lynn: Golden Angel.  Just buy them. Read them. The first one could be dark YA.  The second ... yeah, for adults only. One's a solid novel, the second one is a solid thriller. Just go with me on this one, okay?

Night Machines by Kia Heavey .... this one was interesting.  Almost Doctor Who-ish by way of Rod Serling.

And, of course, there is an endless list of books I can recommend, which happen to be a different tab at the top of the page -- includes Flynn, Ringo, Weber, Thor, etc, etc.

Tears of Paradox, by Daniella Bova, reviewed here

End of the road, by Amy Bennett: This looks like a fun one, a straight up, old fashioned murder mystery...Yes, I know I haven't read it yet, but I've been busy...

By the Hands of Men, Book One: The Old World.

Also, here's everything I suggested for the Dragon Awards in 2016

And here's everything nominated for a Dragon Award in 2016.

And everything I talked about for a Dragon Award in 2017.

And everything NOMINATED for a Dragon in 2017.

That should cover a fairly wide net.

If you have something you'd like to suggest for gifting opportunities, please feel free to mention it below.

You can also click one of the above tabs for suggested books.

Good luck with shopping, everyone.

#BlackFriday, 2016

Black Friday is coming, and we must be prepared. This is just a list to make your shopping lives easier -- for Black Friday, or for the upcoming Cyber Monday.

You might want to try some of these items below. I've even reviewed a few of them.

In short: give the gift of books to people you care about. They're cheaper than iPods. Heh.

As with last year, I will start with suggesting my own novels. Not even all of my own novels, just some of them. The newest ones, for starters.

To start with, there's Honor At Stake.  Because everyone loves this novel. Is it because it's romance? It is because it's vampires? Urban Fantasy? A little YA-ish? A little Christian-fic?

I have no idea.

But if you're new here, it's about a boy meeting a girl.  One of them is a homicidal monster. The other's just a vampire. It has Vatican Ninjas, and holy water burning vampires, and sunlight killing unholy monsters AND NONE OF THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE, DAMNIT.

Ahem. Anyway.

People like it. We have over fifty Amazon reviews. And almost everyone likes it. Even people I don't know like it. I'm not sure why, but there you go.

If you were a fan of Honor at Stake, I have no choice but to recommend the next book in the series...

Yes, yes, Murphy's Law of Vampires. This is the point where I answered everyone's problem of a weak final villain from Honor at Stake ... and then gave them everything they asked for and more. Bad guys? Why, yes, I can make you a bad guy. BWAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA

Ahem.

Anyway.

For the record, we mustn't forget the newcomer Set to Kill. Which is basically taking Sad Puppies Bite Back, and taking it to a whole new level of insane. It's another part of the Murder Con Series, including It Was Only On Stun!

Basically, take insane security agent who is a "mundane" at an SF convention

Drop him head first into the culture.

Drop the bodies to the floor.

Hilarity ensues.

Codename: Winterborn .... the "other" novel, also strangely well reviewed. Genre: character-driven scifi espionage. While on a mission to the Islamic Republic of France, Lt. Kevin Anderson's team is betrayed by the politicians who sent them. As the only survivor, Anderson must stop the senators involved before the next team is slaughtered on the altar of political greed. He's certain he won't survive, but he will make this sacrifice, for his Codename is Winterborn.

 I recommend this for all fans of Baen novels -- like John Ringo, David Weber, and even your straight up thriller writers, like Vince Flynn, Brad Thor, et al.

There is, of course, the sequel: Codename: UnSub, which only just came out.

For those of you who might think that distopias aren't dark enough, I bring you....

Dystopias plus a superpowered serial killer.

Yes. Because I like making things even harder than they already are.

Buahahaha.

Anyway....

Oh, yes, we have a mailing list now. Free stuff if you sign up. Also an opportunity for selling ARCs, and whatever else I can come up with

Sign up for my mailing list! Emails may include Vatican Ninjas, explosions, holy water, throat punches, magic, serial killers, vampires, midgets, Pope, pre-release notices, book deals, and did I mention, explosions. No they won't explode in your in-box...I don't think.

* indicates required

Email Address *

Signed copies and gift sets can be ordered here. Order early so they arrive on time for Christmas. Order two of everything, and you should have something for everyone on your list.

Several of the following books you may have seen before.

Iron Chamber of Memory - For adults only, really...or any mature 12 year old, like I was. I don't care in what format you buy it, but you owe it to yourself to buy at least one copy for yourself, though I recommend buying half a dozen, just so you can immediately hand out copies to your friends.
Review here

The Big Sheep - Perfect for anyone who likes SF mysteries, mild dystopias, and Terry Pratchett. As far as I'm concerned, if Rob Kroese wants to keep putting out books about Erasmus Keane for the rest of his life, I'll happily use him as a substitute for Practhett.
(Review Here)

Chasing Freedom -- for anyone who sees the USA falling to fascism, but also sees some small hope in our future. A Dystopia that doesn't make you want to slit your wrists. Yay
(Review here)

Black Tide Rising -- For those people who hate zombies ... you can like 

[Review here]

Murder in The Vatican: The Church Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes -- if you've been reading my blog for a long time, you know that I loved this one, and I can't possibly recommend it enough.... and then there's The Watson Chronicles, which is even better.  The only books I will recommend over my own, and I'm told my books are pretty awesome, so, yeah...

The Book of Helen -- dang, this was a kickass little novel.  The West Wing meets the Trojan war, this novel goes beyond the "they all lived strangely ever after" of Helen of Troy, and follows the rest of her life after she came home from Troy.  Yes, Helen did have an "after Troy."  You know the mythology, and now, this is the rest of the story.

Ordinance 93:  I've reviewed this book (on Amazon), I've interviewed this author back when Examiner.com still existed. Ordinance 93 is a thriller that sort-of centers around abortion, but is mostly a fun chase novel. I'd actually like the next one to come up.

Infinite Space, Infinite God II .... a Catholic scifi-anthology, so, yeah...fun.

Greater Treasures -- Imagine the Maltese Falcon with dragons. Nuff said.

Stealing Jenny, by Ellen Gable: After 5 miscarriages, Jenny is about to have a pregnancy come to full term... until a psychotic woman kidnaps her and chains her in her basement with the intention of taking the child for her own. I liked this one.

Amy Lynn and Amy Lynn: Golden Angel.  Just buy them. Read them. The first one could be dark YA.  The second ... yeah, for adults only. One's a solid novel, the second one is a solid thriller. Just go with me on this one, okay?

Night Machines by Kia Heavey .... this one was interesting.  Almost Doctor Who-ish by way of Rod Serling.

And, of course, there is an endless list of books I can recommend, which happen to be a different tab at the top of the page -- includes Flynn, Ringo, Weber, Thor, etc, etc.

Tears of Paradox, by Daniella Bova, reviewed here

End of the road, by Amy Bennett: This looks like a fun one, a straight up, old fashioned murder mystery...Yes, I know I haven't read it yet, but I've been busy...

By the Hands of Men, Book One: The Old World.

Also, here's everything I suggested for the Dragon Awards.

And here's everything nominated for a Dragon Award.

That should cover a fairly wide net.

If you have something you'd like to suggest for gifting opportunities, please feel free to mention it below.

You can also click one of the above tabs for suggested books.

Good luck with shopping, everyone.

Movie Night: The Doorbell Rang (Nero Wolfe)

I am a fan of Rex Stout's original novels, the A&E show they had broadcast a few years ago, and of Timothy Hutton.

Guess what I tripped over on YouTube lately.

Movie night is BACK.

But if you don't have time for a movie, here, have a new review of Codename: Winterborn.

Photos of the Catholic Writer's Guild Conference, Live!

Yeah, I had some fun.

Especially when you got to Karina Fabian and her laser cows.  Yes. That happened. Take a look, you'll see how my brain works. Or doesn't.

The following are random things I've found at this conference over the course of three days. Some are shiny. Some are people. Some are shiny people.

Enjoy.

Cutesy stuff

Catholic Writer's Conference Live! 2015 Catholic fiction panel

Guess how I spent my week.

TONIGHT ON THE CATHOLIC GEEK: LIVE WITH ANN MARGARET LEWIS.

We Built That Network on BlogTalkRadio

If you don't know who AML is ... you must be new here.

Ann is the author of Murder in the Vatican: The Church Mysters of Sherlock Holmes, as well as The Watson Chronicles. She's worked for DC comics, written books on Star Wars, a registered soprano, and generally awesome. She is also one of the founding members of the Catholic Writer's Guild.

On Sunday's show, we will discuss the various flavors of Sherlock on television, DC Comics (their TV shows, and their upcoming films), and the Catholic Writer's Guild Conference Live!

Black Friday Book Shopping list.

Once again, Christmas decorations went on sale in August. August!  ARRGGHH.

Anyway, black Friday is coming, and we must be prepared. This is yet another list to make your shopping lives easier -- for Black Friday, or for the upcoming Cyber Monday. I've reviewed some of these books (links attached), and others are new even to me, but have come recommended to me. You might want to try some of these items below.

A Pius Man: A Holy Thriller -- of course I'd start with my own novel. It's surprisingly well reviewed, no one hates it (yet, give me time), where I take the war to Dan Brown, and every other nimrod who thinks they can write bad history in a thriller and get away with it.

A Pius Legacy: A Political Thriller -- The villains who survived A Pius Man have decided that some payback is involved.  Step one? Kidnap the Pope. Then the fun really starts.  Surprisingly, this one had better reviews than the first.... also fewer. Anyway, please buy the book already. Thank you.

A Pius Stand: A Global Thriller (UPDATED, yes, this wasn't here last time.): The end of the trilogy. Saving the Pope has consequences.  And army. A war. And no quarter given. It's time to finish the fight.

And, while I"m doing this.....

Codename: Winterborn .... the "other" novel, also strangely well reviewed. Genre: character-driven scifi espionage. While on a mission to the Islamic Republic of France, Lt. Kevin Anderson's team is betrayed by the politicians who sent them. As the only survivor, Anderson must stop the senators involved before the next team is slaughtered on the altar of political greed. He's certain he won't survive, but he will make this sacrifice, for his Codename is Winterborn. I recommend this for all fans of Baen novels -- like John Ringo, David Weber, and even your straight up thriller writers, like Vince Flynn, Brad Thor, et al.

On with everyone else.

Several of the following books you may have seen before. Trust me, there's a reason they made one of my top reading lists.

Murder in The Vatican: The Church Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes -- if you've been reading my blog for a long time, you know that I loved this one, and I can't possibly recommend it enough.... and then there's The Watson Chronicles, which is even better.  The only books I will recommend over my own, and I'm told my books are pretty awesome, so, yeah...

The Book of Helen -- dang, this was a kickass little novel.  The West Wing meets the Trojan war, this novel goes beyond the "they all lived strangely ever after" of Helen of Troy, and follows the rest of her life after she came home from Troy.  Yes, Helen did have an "after Troy."  You know the mythology, and now, this is the rest of the story.

Ordinance 93:  I've reviewed this book, I've interviewed this author, and I somehow still haven't mentioned her on the blog yet. Ordinance 93 is a thriller that sort-of centers around abortion. It's not really a pro-life book, despite how I referred to it in the Examiner posts.  It's a very long story, but if you're interest, check out the review. It would take too long otherwise.

Mind Over Mind -- The short version? "No, he's not crazy, aliens really are messing with his brain."  Then there's Mind Over Psyche, which feels like CS Lewis' science fiction trilogy. Then again, Karina was already involved with a scifi-anthology, so, yeah...

Greater Treasures -- Imagine the Maltese Falcon with dragons. Nuff said.

Stealing Jenny, by Ellen Gable: After 5 miscarriages, Jenny is about to have a pregnancy come to full term... until a psychotic woman kidnaps her and chains her in her basement with the intention of taking the child for her own. I liked this one.

Amy Lynn: You can read my review right here.

Night Machines by Kia Heavey .... this one was interesting.  Almost Doctor Who-ish by way of Rod Serling.

And, of course, there is an endless list of books I can recommend, which happen to be a different tab at the top of the page -- includes Flynn, Ringo, Weber, Thor, etc, etc.

Now, as far as books I haven't looked at yet.... [Below the break.]

I'm back! Action / Adventure panel at CWCL

The Catholic Writer's Conference, Live! action-adventure panel.

This will be an incomplete transcript of the entire panel, starring Declan Finn (me), Gene Wolfe, and John Desjarlais (French-Canadian pronunciation. Good luck) and Anthony Kolenc.

Now, there will be gaps here. I've forgotten most of what I've said, to heck with what anyone else said.  I'm going to ask anyone who was there to comment, and fill in the blanks. Anyone who posted to YouTube, please let me know, I'll post some here.

The moderator was the awesome and wonderful Ann Margaret Lewis.

Here we go.....

Q: Has a Saint's non-violence inspired you?

Declan Finn: Well, the closest I've ever come to that was with Thomas Aquinas. Like me, Aquinas was a nerd. He had only two real outbursts in his life.  One was when his family had hired a hooker -- a second one, because he converted the first -- only this one was more persistent in her job. Aquinas finally grabbed a burning log from the fireplace and chased her out, drawing a cross of fire into the door on her way out. I always liked that one if only for the comedy value. The second story was Aquinas at a party being held by King St. Louis. It was one of those "You've been invited. Go to the party, you'll have fun." During the party, he had a philosophical thought, rear up, and slammed the table, declaring "and that will settle the Manichees!" I've got a few characters who are also just as flakey.

Gene Wolfe: But the important part of that fight scene with the hooker -- and it was a fight scene, even if she just ran away -- was what was being defended!

JD: One of my earlier books was about a war that happened over a book. It was written back when I was still a Protestant. Who knew I was writing a Catholic novel?

Worst fight scene ever?
Declan Finn: Jack Higgins wrote a scene to the end of a family of villains who had been plaguing his heroes for books. It was a dark and stormy night, fighting on the roof.  The entire fight consisted of "They went at each other. They fought. They grappled, they rolled to the edge of the roof, and Rashid fell off."  He's been the bad guy for repeated books! I know fights are quick, but can I have a little more detail?

JD: The worst fight scene I've ever read was when a pivotal fight happened off screen, with no emotional payoff.

Q: Who can you give as an example of writing good fight scenes.
Lee Child's Jack Reacher.  Before every fight, there's a little dissertation on violence. It explains why he's targeting who he's targeting, and why he's hitting with what he's hitting.  And since Jack Reacher was 6'5" -- not Tom Cruise -- he was always being confronted by 5-7 people, and discussed group dynamics.

Ann: Do you think they stole that for the Robert Downy Jr. Sherlock Holmes films?

Well, for that, I can at least see Holmes doing it, because he's Holmes. He can play three-dimensional chess in his head.  As for stealing .... does Guy Ritchie even read? I know he was with Madonna for a while, so I wouldn't place money on it.

I also suggest James Rollins.  And for large scale battles, read Bernard Cornwell -- not John, Bernard -- who wrote the Richard Sharpe series. It was about the Napoleonic wars, and one of the few roles where Sean Bean did not die a horrible, horrible death.

[I got a few laughs there]

Q: Why do you write in your genre?
Declan Finn: Because thrillers are what people read. And I'm not going to write a romance novel.

What is your pet peeve about action scenes?

Gene Wolfe: When two guys are exchanging one-liners between punches. All of the one-liners in real life come before the punching starts. One of these days, I want someone to start a one-liner and get punched in the mouth.

[No, I don't remember what I said to that one. It's been a hard week]

Q: For science fiction and fantasy, it's easy to ignore tech or magic in order to have an exciting fight scene. (Remember how Indy shot the swordsman instead of the big scene they had planned.) How do you work around advanced tech that might make a dull fight?

Declan Finn: "I make it simple. I give all the advanced weaponry to the bad guys.  As for working around it -- the tech can be magical, but it's still run by people. People can be tricked. Confused. Or just plain stupid."

Gene mostly answered this question.  I don't remember his answer, though I want to have recalled it.  He also loved the Raiders swordfight cited above because that's very much how real fights go.


Q (from the audience): What makes a Catholic adventure?
JD: As Bilbo said in The Hobbit, "I'm going on an adventure!"  The first part of having an adventure is that you go out."
Me: I'm the simple one here. Catholic adventure? The priests aren't all Nazis. The Pope isn't evil.  There is good. There is evil. And evil must lose.

[I swear I had an "amen" at that point.]


Q (From the audience): "Have you ever had prayer, or angels, or a miracle to solve a problem? Something supernatural for a solution?"
Gene: "Yes, I did. I had one story where every time my main character would start praying, he would start to win."
Declan Finn: "Since I don't want it to be a deus ex machina, I do have a bit of a miracle in book three of my Pius trilogy, when the fecal matter hits the air impeller" [laugh].  "But it's like the old joke: A cop car goes up to a guy's house.  There's a flood coming. Get in the car. Guy says that God'll save me, God'll save my house. The next people to come by are in a boat, and they're talking to the homeowner in the second story window because that's where the water is.  Get in the boat, they say. Guy says that God'll save me, God'll save my house.  The next people to come by are in a helicopter, and the homeowner's on the roof. Guy says No, God'll save me, God'll save my house. Homeowner drowns.  When the homeowner asks, Why didn't you save me? God says 'I sent the cop, I sent the boat, I sent the helicopter, what more do you want?'  It's like that."

Then there were several great lines that I can't remember the context for......

JD: "The scene between Bilbo and Gollum in the cave is a buildup to Bilbo and Smaug later on, playing for much larger stakes. Setup, payoff."

JD: A fight has to either advance the story or the character.  You can't just have it to be there. It has to accomplish something.

[.... I hate him for that. He stole my line before I could say it. :)  Yes, I'm kidding. I love his novels Bleeder and Viper.  I should probably review then ... anyway....]

Declan Finn: "As was said by John, if it's going to bore the writer, it's going to bore the audience. I cut a scene from my novel Codename: Winterborn because there were too many fight scenes already.  But since the scene was something that had to happen for the story to move forward, and it was a navy SEAL versus some guys in the street, I boiled it down to a sentence of the aftermath, and moved on."

Gene Wolfe: "I'm glad to see that fighting men are wearing armor again. I had one of the first pieces of armor issued to the army. It was this big heavy nylon thing with lead squares, and it might as well have been made of solid metal. Anyway, during one time, this Lieutenant had come up on stage before the men, and he wore this bright green shining piece of armor with a string of grenades across the chest. It made him look like Flash Gordon. He had a truck of his new armor and he said "Is there anyone here who doesn't have armor?" I disconnected my straps, holding my armor up, and I shot up to the stage, saying "Me. I don't have armor."  And I got myself some shiny new armor, the first time it was given out to the enlisted men and not just officers.  Anyway, we made an about face, and marched out of the room, and there was my old armor, just lying there. The Lieutenant just laughed, picked up the armor, and threw it on the truck."


As I said, these are pieces and parts I recall from less than a week ago. Any help on filling in the blanks would be helpful

My radio career has begun!!!

In case you were wondering what the bloody Hell I was doing for the last week, well...

I was getting ready to host a radio program.

I explain below.

Check Out Writing Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Writestream on BlogTalkRadio

Black Friday blog: book shopping

I love Christmas, but I hate the Christmas shopping season. In my neck of the woods, Christmas decorations went on sale in August. August, blast it.

Anyway, realizing that, and that black Friday is coming up, I won't be doing a Thanksgiving day blog, and I don't have too much to add to my past blog entries on the matter.  However, if you want to know about cooking for 93, or the authors I'm thankful for.... you can check those out.

While I finished my Christmas shopping months ago (writers do it all year round -- write your own joke here) I understand that there will be an onslaught of people who are going to be trampling each other in order to get gifts for family and friends.

With that in mind, it occurred to me that this is going to be a great time to compile a list of suggestions to make your shopping lives easier -- if not for this Friday, then for the upcoming Cyber Monday. Some of these are books I've reviewed, and others are new even to me, but have come recommended to me. So, unless you're going to go out and buy some Darren Brown tickets, you might want to try some of these items below.

A Pius Man: A Holy Thriller -- of course I'd start with my own novel. It's surprisingly well reviewed, no one hates it (yet, give me time), where I take the war to Dan Brown, and every other nimrod who thinks they can write bad history in a thriller and get away with it.

Codename: Winterborn .... the "other" novel, also strangely well reviewed. Genre: character-driven scifi espionage. While on a mission to the Islamic Republic of France, Lt. Kevin Anderson's team is betrayed by the politicians who sent them. As the only survivor, Anderson must stop the senators involved before the next team is slaughtered on the altar of political greed. He's certain he won't survive, but he will make this sacrifice, for his Codename is Winterborn. I recommend this for all fans of Baen novels -- like John Ringo, David Weber, and even your straight up thriller writers, like Vince Flynn, Brad Thor, et al.

Murder in The Vatican: The Church Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes -- if you've been reading my blog for a long time, you know that I loved this one, and I can't possibly recommend it enough.

Mind Over Mind -- The short version? "No, he's not crazy, aliens really are messing with his brain."

Greater Treasures -- Imagine the Maltese Falcon with dragons. Nuff said.

And, of course, there is an endless list of books I can recommend, which happen to be a different tab at the top of the page -- includes Flynn, Ringo, Weber, Thor, etc, etc.

Stealing Jenny, by Ellen Gable: After 5 miscarriages, Jenny is about to have a pregnancy come to full term... until a psychotic woman kidnaps her and chains her in her basement with the intention of taking the child for her own. I liked this one.

Now, as far as books I haven't looked at yet.... [Below the break.]

Report on the Catholic Writer's Guild Conference. Live!

If you're wondering, like I did, why the CWG conference was "Catholic Writer's Guild Conference. Live!" (As opposed to what, Undead? No, only when Karina Fabian is President...just kidding). Actually, they have an online conference as well.

Anyway....

This post is going to be a collection of little events and moments that I really enjoyed.  I mostly went there just to hang out, and meet people that I only knew online. So I'm treating a lot of what went on as confidential.  There were one or two panels I went two that were just plain fun, and I'll write up later.

The CWG conference was in Sumerset, NJ.  While this is usually a problem for me-- like most New Yorkers, I believe Woody Allen's old line that "If Jersey's the punchline, you don't need the rest of the joke"--so I decided to go for one day.  Less time in Jersey, and, well, $40 cheaper. Did I mention I was a cheapsake? (Actually, I"m a writer in NYC, with these taxes, Donald Trump probably counts pennies here)

My arrival was surprising.  Not that the convention center and hotel were anything impressive. After going to DragonCon for five years, nothing impresses me anymore.

What surprised me was showing up at the registration counter, and having someone identify me by sight.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked. And, even if I didn't know my favorite Sherlock Holmes author offhand, I could clearly see her nametag.  Ann Margaret Lewis, author of Murder in the Vatican.

One of my favorite authors could identify me immediately. Squee!

I covered the exhibit hall in about five to fifteen minutes on the first round (later rounds would find the author of the Bad Catholic's Guide to Good Living, which I enjoyed quite a bit), then went to the CWG opening meeting.  Most of it consisted of what the Guild does, and how it operates, and how their Seal of Approval happens.

However, the panel consisted of three people I know / knew of-- Ellen Gable Hrkach (more on her later), Ann Lewis, and Karina Fabian.  In fact, at one point, before the meeting started, it was interesting. Karina Fabian was handing out slips for her free Kindle Download of Greater Treasures. She went through the room, handing them out.
She was about to hand me one, when I told her, "I read it."
"Great! Now you can review it."
I flashed her my business card. "I already did."
"John! You came!"  And she hugged me.
Come to think of it, I think she hugged me about 3-5 times that day.  I could be wrong.

After that meeting, there was coffee.  I hung around the coffee machine, planting flyers (because I'm stealthy like that), and taking them back when Karina Fabian handed them to me (she's better), and talking with a friend of hers, Arthur Powers, and someone else (I forget who).  When I mention my Anti-DaVinci Code, A Pius Man, I had positive reactions (which consisted of "Thank you, God! When are you published?"), Mr. Powers said, "I think I know that title. I handle all of them at CatholicFiction.net."

I didn't know my books were that memorable.

Oh, a random event.
Passerby: "Where's the CWG booth?"
Me: "Just go past Pope Francis and go straight up the middle."
Passerby: "Pope Francis is here?"
Me: "The cardboard cutout."
Passerby:  "Oh."

Later, in the exhibition hall, I chatted up the representative from the Chesterton Society, Richard Aleman. I later found out he was one of their authors.  I told him about my book, and my historian background, and promptly suggested I take a job with the Chesterton Academy, out in Minnesota. I was then informed that an editor from Chesterton Press (different organization) was looking for me, which was strange, because I had said hello to him that morning, making certain that my badge was at eye level the whole time.

So, I hung around the CWG booth, awaiting his return.

As I wander, meek and wary, I was approached by a youthful middle aged woman (when her hair is going slightly pale, and she has the energy of Stan Lee on a sugar rush, that is youthful middle age) who was about 4'11", maybe 5'.  She saw that my tag was CWG, and asked about what I wrote.
"I write under Declan Finn. I wrote a book called A Pius Man."
Her face lit up like a child on Christmas morning, and she shoot my hand vigorously, exclaiming "It's an honor to meet you. I loved your book. I know the review that I gave you wasn't a perfect review but it was an honest review, and that's important.  And you really should keep writing, no matter what anyone says because you're a great writer. Are you coming to my presentation later? Your book is on kindle, right? I'm doing a presentation on how to sell your kindle book, and you should come to it."
As you can tell, I paid attention to every word she said, but I was stuck at "You're honored to meet me?" [Blink, blink, blink.]
I think it was one of the happier moments of my life. I had fans. Who knew?
Oh, and "this one" is Ellen Gable Hrkach, the President of the Catholic Writer's Guild.
I told you we'd be getting back to her.

At the end of the day, it was a pleasure to finally meet all the folks who I've talked to for years. They are great, enthusiastic people, and I loved every one of them. It was a great opportunity, and I look forward to doing it again. (Yes, again. I have family doing something in Chicago next year, at the same time as the CWG conference is going on. I look forward to doing this again. If they're looking for a fighting and writing panel, they have my number. Hint, hint. :)

Forget Sparta. I! AM! PUBLISHED!!!!!

I waited three hundred posts just so I can use that headline. Really....

...

Okay. No, not really. It just turned out that way.

But it's true. I'm published.  It Was Only On Stun! is available on Amazon.com.  Buy it here, now.  And you can also buy a kindle copy, right here. And a schedule for a virtual book tour, and maybe even a real life book tour, will be forthcoming .....

But I'm going to take a moment here.

I'm not sure you know what this means to me.

It's been fourteen years.

Two million words. Dozens of rewrites. Entire novels spiked. Two agents. A dead economy, "the end of publishing," and every negative thing about the business of publishing you've ever read in The New York Times.

There have been bridges burned with people whom I have deeply loved. There are people that I owe this to who are no longer talking to me. People who cared just enough to encourage me, but not enough to stay. There have been people I, admittedly, drove away while I was being driven insane by the thorns of this world.

It's been a long road, with a lot of work. I want to thank all of you who stayed around to read what I've had to say.

And, of course, there are specific people who have stuck with me that I need to thank, like: Jason Bieber, Karina Fabian, Kelly Garcia, Ester Lamm, Matthew "Funtime" Pryce, Allan and Annie Yoskowitz, Ann Margaret Lewis, various and sundry people from the Catholic Writer's Organization (Ellen Gable Hrkach, Jacqueline Vickers, Ann Seeton, and, of course, Walter Staples (who can now compare writer's notes with The Great Author). And, of course, there is my family, including my sister Margaret, who helped me with her editing services of Just Write! Ink (on Facebook).

I owe all of you. And I only hope I remembered you all in the acknowledgments. It's all been kind of a blur, so if I missed you, my aim will improve next time around.

Hopefully, you'll like It Was Only On Stun! to a ridiculous degree. You'll want to gift copies to all your friends, and insist that they do the same. Unlikely, but I've been living on hope and Red Bull for so long, I'm shooting for Mars (because the moon is just not ambitious enough). It's also a fairly kick-ass action, mystery, and comedy.

And, if by some chance you don't like it, well, I've got a dozen more books, each with a different flavor and style. The next book will be A Pius Man.  One way or another, it will be published.  Will it be by Amazon.com? Maybe. If that's the case, I'm going to have to find a way to pay Matt for his cover art.

Winston Churchill (everything interesting said in World War II is attributed to him), after the battle of El Alamein, said, "This is not the end. This is not the beginning of the end.  This is, pray God, the end of the beginning."

This is my beginning.

Thank God.

And thank you, too.

But, enough sentiment: here's a fun video with epic music, and weapons.




By the way, while this is an aside -- I also have a new website. Enjoy, all.

Catholic review. The war on Christmas, Kim Jong-il, Sherlock Holmes, and the WBC

I've had an interesting little month. Because I have a new job....

On Examiner.com, I'm now their Catholic columnist.

Yes, I write on self defense and on Catholicism. I'm a strange, strange man.

However, it shouldn't be too much of a surprise. After all, many of my articles on this blog acted as articles for the Examiner column.

In fact, my first column was one of my first articles from this past Lent.  Catholic cannibals: Explaining the eucharist. Yes, Catholics are cannibals. Live with it. :)

If you are a long term reader, you might remember that I was allowed an interview with Murder in the Vatican author Ann Margaret Lewis.  It is now a four part article on Examiner.com -- mainly because Examiner doesn't like long columns. In fact, you can start the Interview right here.  Parts two, three and four are attached.  As is my Review of Murder in the Vatican.

There was also an Interview with "Infinite Space Infinite God II" editor Karina Fabian.  That was only a II part article.  The Review of "Infinite Space Infinite God II," one part only

And there were a few other articles that readers of this blog might know.
Mr. Phelps, David Koresh called, he wants to chat;... 
Fred Phelps, you are disavowed. 
“You're going to Hell.... Not.” I'm Catholic, not Dante 
Japan, and the Christian vlogger - 2011 Catholic... 

Then there was some new material. I wanted to explain December 8th, feast of the immaculate conception, to "normal" people.  Also, I wanted to explain why they were Rewriting the Catholic mass -- yes, they are, and they did.

Last week, there was an odd thing of North Korea versus Christmas. -- and then Kim Jong-il died. Huh.

And then, The war on Christmas came to New Jersey. I can't make this stuff up

Fulton Sheen, New York saint? Yes, New York might have a saint buried in the city limits. Who knew?

I'll see you all again tomorrow. We're not done yet