NEW TV Review: The Orville

My standard policy on TV shows is to give them three episodes... unless they do something to really drop the ball, and / or piss me off.

The Orville has had three episodes.

So, what do I think?

I have no idea.

Really, I don't know what to do with this one. I think I like it. Then they do something strange and off-putting.

The Orville opens with Ed Mercer (played by writer / producer Seth MacFarlane) walking in on his wife (played by Agent of SHIELD's Adrienne Palicki) with an alien in their bed. Given the writer, I expected a gag. A joke. Something over the top and insane...

Mercer turns around, gets in his vehicle, and flies off. It strikes me as being fairly realistic.

The next scene is a year later. Mercer's career has been derailed ever since his wife cheated on him. But, hey, they've got an expanding fleet, they need captains, here's your ship, don't screw it up.

Then his ex-wife becomes his second in command. (Does that makes her his Ex-O? .... Yes, I'm sorry. But the joke was right there)

I was expecting it to be a variation on Ringo's A Ship Called Francis. But ... nope.

Granted, we have a lot of strangeness. Junior security officer Alara (Halston Sage) is this tiny little slip of a thing ... from a heavy gravity world, so she hits above her weight class. There's an all-male species, a racist cyberman, and a sarcastic chief medical officer who might be out of the McCoy school of medicine (played by 24 and Deep Space 9's Penny Johnson Gerald). And a drunk pilot.

We get halfway through the first episode, and it looks like simple set up, and ha ha, this is going to be funny / awkward... Then their first mission, a milk run, turns into a running shootout. Talk about narrative whiplash. We have some funny humor (including an alien that looks like Schlock), one awkward moment that I don't think is supposed to be funny, and then we're in the middle of a run and gun?

The solution to the action bits are actually quite well executed, as well as entertaining, and, dare I say it, even intelligent.

End of episode one, we get the sense that we might have a cliche that I don't see too often: "Your ex still loves you."

Episode two just opens with one of the most awkward sequences I've seen in a while... and then it becomes an actual episode in the first five minutes. I'm sorry, we're going to go straight into the plot? Huh? The resulting episode involved a junior officer having to take over the bridge, and do the captain's job. It's mostly a straight-faced episode. Things that could be played for laughs, aren't. The plot of the episode is Rod Serling (People are the Same All Over). The solution is both innovative and hilarious.

I will give the acting a lot of credit here. The drunken pilot is played relatively straight -- he's not a fall down drunk, or doing a drunken "Hic!" every few minutes. Palicki has decided she wants a career, and Agents of SHIELD didn't provide nearly enough acting range for her.

Then there's episode 3, the Transgender episode. Which is the one that surprised me. The all-male species crewman has ... a daughter. Immediately, he demands the procedure to swap her gender. The doctor says "Hell no." The Captain says, "I'm not ordering the doctor to do anything." When said crewman calls for a ship from his homeworld, the Captain is pissed for the chain of command being violated.

There is some discussion about trans issues, but while they don't smother your face in what stance the show wants you to take, it's very clear that the show has a side. The solution is ... very Babylon 5. Captain Kirk can show X species that their culture is wrong, but that doesn't mean X will be happy and thank him over it.

I was surprised. Seriously, what do they want to do with this show?

The biggest drawback to this show is the ... humor, I think. I honestly don't know if they're supposed to be funny bits of business, or just awkward. Almost all three episodes have had this awkward moment in there that is so narratively jarring, it's hard to get a firm grasp of what this show wants to be when it grows up. The only time we even have a solid musical cue is when they have an action sequence. For that, I will give the music department props.

This show has a lot of promise, and a lot of potential to grow... But it's a scifi show on Fox, so before we hold out too much hope, let's see if it lasts long enough to find its footing.

Review: Aye, Robot, by Robert Kroese

The sequel to the insanity that was Starship Grifters (click here for my review) brings us the continuing adventures of Rex Nihilo.

And boy, is the crazy still with us in Aye, Robot.

After interstellar con man Rex Nihilo hijacks a cargo freighter on a whim, he decides that he and his long-suffering robot sidekick Sasha have found their calling as space pirates. But when the ship's cargo turns out to be a cryogenically frozen religious fanatic who holds the secret to a vast galactic conspiracy, Rex and Sasha find themselves on the run from real pirates--as well as agents of the oppressive Malarchy, crazy space cultists and the Ursa Minor mafia. If Rex is going to get out of this jam alive, he might just have to save the galaxy... again.

Believe it or not, this is the more straightforward plot of the two novels. While Starship Grifters was covered a a surface layer of choas, with everything as a jumble until the magician showed us the con.

Now, the story is more of a straight line.

.... Except we open perhaps a week into the events of the novel, spend half of the book with 76-hours earlier (estimated). Our heroes have lost their memory, trip over a pirate ship, cargo, and a weapon to control the universe.

Why, yes, Aye, Robot is just as insane as Starship Grifters, why do you ask?

In Starship Grifters, memory and the twist at the end were constants throughout the novel. Now, we're going to play more games with each, following up on both of them far more.  I'm not going to say I was cheated out of anything, but after Starship Grifters, I was not going to trust Aye, Robot as far as I could throw it. There wasn't a massive twist at the end like I expected, but I didn't miss it. I was happy with a relatively straightforward line.

It was interesting to see that Rex might have a bit of character development in this one. Instead of the insane, random firing of neurons that ended up in a successful conclusion of the novel, Rex has reasons for doing what he does. Most of his reasons even make sense.

Rex's faithful robot companion, Sasha, is also getting more of a character. It's fascinating.

And we also have the return of the bounty hunter Pepper Melange ... yes, really ... who I always saw as Scarlet Johansson. She all but stole the last one, but was gracious enough to not seal this novel from Rex and Sasha.

Four and a half out of five star stars for Aye, Robot.

And if you want more snarky humor, check out the Love At First Bite Series

 

Epic Rap Battle: Tolkien vs Martin

There is a viewer warning here for R-rated language.

Then again, giving movie ratings lately, it's probably "PG-13."

And, for the record, I think we all know who wins this one. I usually don't declare victors in these sorts of things, but in this case, I think even the guys coming into this had a favorite....

Just a guess....

And, if you like that strange example of my sense of humor, you might want to try my NEW RELEASE: Sad Puppies Bite Back

Guest post: Karina Fabian on Zombies

So, when Karina Fabian offered to write a guest post for the blog, I figured I'd take her up on it. After all, I was slowing down after all of the DragonCon posts.

The topic I gave her? I wanted to know why the heck anyone wanted to be bothered with zombies.

She sent me the following.

Keep in mind, I think the following includes the best scene in her latest novel, Neeta Lyffe 2: I Left My Brains In San Francisco.

Why Zombies? Using the absurd in fiction to show the absurd in life.

Survival Hardware hadn’t seen such a rush of customers since the last Armageddon prediction coincided with Black Friday.
Manager Clint Sanders rubbed his hands with glee. Oh, Marley, if only you hadn’t gotten drunk and decided to go zombie hunting. Was it only last Christmas?
He hurried to Customer Service, crafting an announcement in his mind. “You want to live! We want to live! That’s why you are going to file calmly to the back if you need a suit.”
Yeah. Sense of urgency, plus that “We’re in this together” crap.
He got to the counter and nodded at Bitsy, who had rung up a chainsaw and a half-crate of bleach.
God bless survivors. Clint continued to the back. Out of habit, he checked the exit door, even though it was always locked from the outside. He needed to delete Marley's old code from it.
He cleared his throat. “Listen up! You want to live! We want to live!”
The exit door clicked.
“That’s impossible!” he declared. The store fell silent.
“Boss?” Bitsy’s voice ended in a squeak.
“That’s not what I meant! Security team to customer service!”
He reached under the counter for a shotgun. Bitsy grabbed the chainsaw. They had filled them that morning—another example of the excellent service at Survival Hardware.
The door swung open, and the zombiefied remains of his late business partner, Marley, staggered through.
Clint to blasted him with the shotgun. The impact knocked the Marley out the door.
Clint used the gunsight to scan the parking lot. “He brought friends! Call Nine-One-One. I’m putting this place on shutdown.”
“Screw that! I’ve been prepping all my life for this!” With a howl of challenge, Bitsy dashed out the door. She swung low and decapitated her former boss before moving on.
Thundering footsteps signaled the customers following in her wake.
He gaped at the carnage while Dirk called 9-1-1. It’d be too late by the time they got there. All that’d be left was to clean up the zombie parts and get the customers back in to pay.
God bless survivors.

---From I Left My Brains in San Francisco, by Karina Fabian

In the 2040s, zombies have become a reality. They rise from the grave, intent on eating brains or sometimes completing something that they didn't finish in life--even if it's a beer and a TV show. And, true to so many phenomenon in life, we are caught unprepared and unaware. That's how I started the world premise, and I let the story take me from there: People want to understand them, defend them, study them, use them--but above all, they want those vermin out of their yard! Thus, the hero of the story--Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator.

It's an age-old science fiction writers' trick--use the future to discuss an issue of today. In my case, the zombies are just part of a world gone a little loopier than it is now. You’ll find a great example of government waste and bureaucratic infighting in the Broken Bridge, started as a cooperative effort and halted with 120 feet to finish—and one side 60 feet lower than the other—because neither side communicated with the other. Video blog sites have exclusives on banned videos of a gruesome carnage—but only for members. California has subsidized protesting; and everyone gets an Adult Starter Allowance until they’re 25, as long as they aren’t working, of course. The newest environmental theory is Global Fattening, and the hot new protestors, the undead!

All of this makes a delightful mishmash of insanity into which to drop one woman who just wants to protect people by rekilling the undead--and hopefully making a little money and having some kind of social life while she's at it.

I hope you’ll enjoy I Left My Brains in San Francisco. It’s all in good fun, but if any of it comes true, I’ll be back in 30 years to say “I told you so!”

Bio On The Author

If there’s such a thing as ADD of the imagination, Karina Fabian has it—in spades. Craft books, devotionals, serious science fiction, comedic horror and chilling fantasy—she follows her interests and the characters that tell her their stories. 

Even before she could write, Karina strung tall tales about everything from making human pyramids in Kindergarten to visiting alien worlds. Her first attempt at novel writing was in fourth grade; she completed her first novel in college. However, her first published work was an anthology of Christian science fiction, Leaps of Faith, an EPPIE finalist for best anthology in 2006. Her next anthology, Infinite Space, Infinite God, featured Catholic characters and themes and won the EPPIE for science fiction. The second Infinite Space, Infinite God anthology came out in 2010. 

Watching the comedy improv show, Whose Line Is It, Anyway, inspired her noir-style dragon detective, Vern. Vern and his partner, Sister Grace, have solved mysteries and saved the Faerie and Mundane worlds numerous numerous times in the DragonEye, PI stories and novels. Their serial story, World Gathering, won a Mensa Owl; and the novel, Magic, Mensa and Mayhem (Fabian’s first published novel), won the INDIE for best fantasy in 2010. The second DragonEye book, Live and Let Fly, came out in April 2012. 

At a friend’s request, Karina wrote a funny story about a zombie exterminator, which grew into the Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator novels. The first, Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator, won the 2011 Global E-Book award for best horror, and was runner-up in the eFestival of Words for best YA. 

She also writes serious science fiction. Her SF novels, Discovery and The Old Man and the Void, are currently under consideration, and she’s working on the next DragonEye novel, a superhero spoof, Gapman. 

Karina has a strong faith, which she explored in her devotional, Why God Matters: How to Recognize Him in Daily Life, which she wrote with her father Steve Lumbert, and which won the 2011 Christian Small Press Publisher Award. She also writes Catholic school calendars and has written three craft books for the Little Flowers/Blue Knights clubs. 

Fabian is married to Colonel Robert A. Fabian of the USAF, and they are currently enjoying a long distance relationship while he’s stationed in Iraq. They have four children, an overgrown pup, and a harried cat. When not writing, teaching writing, or chatting about writing, she’s hanging out with her kids or swinging a sword in haidong gumbdo. 

The Singing in the Wood: Guest Blogger:

So, some things are happening today.

Number one, I have a little job out in Brooklyn. Since I live in the back end of Queens, I will essentially be driving over the hill and far away.

However, that doesn't mean I will be doing nothing.  I have already written a blog .... for someone else.

I suppose you're an internet celebrity when you can do guest blogs for other people.

Karl Erickson, who I met through the Catholic Writer's Guild, let me write a guest blog. When I asked for a topic, he said Catholic writing.

This is what he got. Enjoy my blogging from the hip.

The Singing in the Wood: 

Forget Sparta. I! AM! PUBLISHED!!!!!

I waited three hundred posts just so I can use that headline. Really....

...

Okay. No, not really. It just turned out that way.

But it's true. I'm published.  It Was Only On Stun! is available on Amazon.com.  Buy it here, now.  And you can also buy a kindle copy, right here. And a schedule for a virtual book tour, and maybe even a real life book tour, will be forthcoming .....

But I'm going to take a moment here.

I'm not sure you know what this means to me.

It's been fourteen years.

Two million words. Dozens of rewrites. Entire novels spiked. Two agents. A dead economy, "the end of publishing," and every negative thing about the business of publishing you've ever read in The New York Times.

There have been bridges burned with people whom I have deeply loved. There are people that I owe this to who are no longer talking to me. People who cared just enough to encourage me, but not enough to stay. There have been people I, admittedly, drove away while I was being driven insane by the thorns of this world.

It's been a long road, with a lot of work. I want to thank all of you who stayed around to read what I've had to say.

And, of course, there are specific people who have stuck with me that I need to thank, like: Jason Bieber, Karina Fabian, Kelly Garcia, Ester Lamm, Matthew "Funtime" Pryce, Allan and Annie Yoskowitz, Ann Margaret Lewis, various and sundry people from the Catholic Writer's Organization (Ellen Gable Hrkach, Jacqueline Vickers, Ann Seeton, and, of course, Walter Staples (who can now compare writer's notes with The Great Author). And, of course, there is my family, including my sister Margaret, who helped me with her editing services of Just Write! Ink (on Facebook).

I owe all of you. And I only hope I remembered you all in the acknowledgments. It's all been kind of a blur, so if I missed you, my aim will improve next time around.

Hopefully, you'll like It Was Only On Stun! to a ridiculous degree. You'll want to gift copies to all your friends, and insist that they do the same. Unlikely, but I've been living on hope and Red Bull for so long, I'm shooting for Mars (because the moon is just not ambitious enough). It's also a fairly kick-ass action, mystery, and comedy.

And, if by some chance you don't like it, well, I've got a dozen more books, each with a different flavor and style. The next book will be A Pius Man.  One way or another, it will be published.  Will it be by Amazon.com? Maybe. If that's the case, I'm going to have to find a way to pay Matt for his cover art.

Winston Churchill (everything interesting said in World War II is attributed to him), after the battle of El Alamein, said, "This is not the end. This is not the beginning of the end.  This is, pray God, the end of the beginning."

This is my beginning.

Thank God.

And thank you, too.

But, enough sentiment: here's a fun video with epic music, and weapons.




By the way, while this is an aside -- I also have a new website. Enjoy, all.

Month in review: November, 2011

Well, another month shot to hell.  :)

Anyway, this has been an interesting little month. This was the month I discovered Stumbleupon.com.... and I posted links to almost every single blog entry.

So, all of that adds up to this month having over 13,255 hits on the blog.  It's been a good month.  Even if I had to rewrite the top ten blog list. I may still yet have to.

Anyway...

There is a Story By Twitter coming up soon on the blog, and probably next Monday.  If you have a twitter account, find join my twitter feed (you can find a link in the right hand side). Otherwise, you may not get it for a while.

I've written characters of mine who take surveys, starting with Egyptian cop Hashim Abasi ... who has a list of enemies on his mouse pad.

And, if you ever missed a video we've done thus far, well, you can't: here are the complete Videos of A Pius Man.  Not to mention that there's also a video going around the net that makes me think I have to seriously up my A-game: a live action recreation of a video game fight from the epic game Arkham city.

Oh yes, and there is a contest going on: I hope someone has notice.

Our music blogs have had: Dragonforce's Heart of a Dragon, Final Fantasy's One Winged Angel, and Mozart. We also had Tom Smith's Cooking for 93 ... a little something for Thanksgiving.  There was also the classic science fiction summary in song Rocket Ride, by Tom Smith, as well as some Dragonforce's Where Dragons Rule.  We also had some Two steps from Hell, and the greatest beer that any bar has ever had for sale: it's Three-oh-seven Ale.

I've also had the most FAQ that any author has ever had to deal with: "Where do you get your ideas from?"  Here's an answer.

There was also some issues with Google.  Feh.

And, finally, there was a self defense review: with kill shots, Occupiers, and ... something else, I'm sure.

See you Monday.

(Scott) Murphy's Laws of Spying.

My characters are real people to me.
Take Scott Murphy, from the Pius Trilogy.


(Scott) Murphy's Laws of Spying.

1.MURPHY WAS AN OPTIMIST

2.A relaxed spy is a dead spy.

3.Keep your head on your shoulders, or someone else will keep it…mounted on their wall.

2.The worse the weather, the more you are required to trail someone through it.

3. When your target drives to work every day like clockwork, the day you arrange for a car bomb, he'll walk.

4.If your mission is going really well, it's a trap.

5.Throw rocks before grenades— it desensitizes the reflexes of who you're throwing them at.

6.And remember: five second fuses are three seconds long.

7.The easy way is always booby trapped..

8.When in doubt: improvise. It's hard to trace a bomb when it's made out of Bisquick.

9.Make it tough for the enemy to get in.... and you can't get out.

10.Even paranoids have real enemies.

11.The shortest distance between two points is money.

12.Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity.

13.Control the situation. If you can’t handle the variables, the variables are going to handle you. The moment that happens, they will handle you right into a jail cell if you’re lucky, and a field execution if you’re not.

14.The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

15.Guns may be nice tools, but they leave behind other problems. Bodies are messy and hard to dispose of unless you plan in advance. Try not to kill someone unless you really have to. And if you have to, invest in plastic wrap, gloves, and hefty bags (see: Dexter).

16.The closer the synagogue the better the bagel.

17.The spy who plans for everything to go well is usually the one who will be shot in the back with his own gun. Conversely, the spy who plans for everything to go to hell from the first minute will never have to use a single contingency plan.

18. Invest in people. If you rely solely on a multimillion dollar piece of equipment, the more likely someone is to circumvent it with something found at Wal-Mart.

19.“Guns make you stupid. Duct tape makes you smart.”

Corollary 1: Tracers work both ways.

Corollary 2: The seriousness of a gunshot wound is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover

Corollary 3: The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

Corollary 4: Friendly fire – isn't.

Corollary 5: The day you need to clean your gun is the day the SWAT team arrives to kill you.

Corollary 6: A gun is hard to explain the security. A magazine you can roll up into a tactical baton, isn't.