Election Special: Who would the Fantastic Four Vote for?

Between Captain America, Green Arrow / Green Lantern, Spider-Man (Peter Parker), and Batman (Bruce Wayne), it's already been a busy day.

But for those of you just showing up, we're doing an expanded version of the 2012 post where I broke down comic book characters by politics. Because the 2016 election has been a joke since the nomination process.

This will be an all day thing. One post per character ... mostly. The shorter ones will be grouped together. After all, there's no much I can do with Deadpool. And very little I did do.

The Fantastic Four

A dysfunctional family at the best of times, this will not be a one voter household.

Mr. Fantastic, aka Reed Richards -- a man whose head is so far enmeshed in The Big Picture that he can barely remember what day of the week it is. His biggest adversary is a foreign dictator who dabbles in demonology.  But then again, he also pays taxes on his investments, and has two children, and dislikes psychotic megalomaniacs .... so that leaves out Clinton on one end, and Trump on the other. So, he might vote Gary Johnson, if he remembers what month it is.

The Invisible Woman, aka Susan Storm -- a mother of two children who is half the brains of a major intergalactic company. Her version of birth control is the latest disaster, apocalyptic plan of Doctor Doom. I've also seen a lot of pro-Trump women online. Pro-big business, pro-children... I'm seeing a Trump voter here. Possibly. Perhaps Johnson.

The Human Torch, aka Johnny Storm -- womanizing, carousing type who will probably vote for whoever seems like the coolest candidate.  He'll probably wright in Johnson, thinking it's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Ben Grimm, aka The Thing -- Grimm, an Orthodox Jew, would probably vote with the rest of the Orthodox population, which seems to be going Trump.

BONUS ROUND

Penguin, aka Oswald Cobblepot.

When I first encountered the modern Penguin, he was is a white collar criminal who dabbled in the occasional violent crime.

Then he became a vicious, violent little schlub with a British accent.

One the one hand, Penquin owns his own bar, deals in information, and assorted (usually) non-violent elonies.  This wouldn't come down to policy, but it would boil down to personality.  To start with, Penguin smokes, drinks, and is usually in various levels of obesity --  Michelle Obama's health craze probably pissed him off, and he holds grudges.

Not to mention, as a white collar criminal, the Penguin would be in the business of tax evasion, and he would probably vote for anyone who threatens to RAISE taxes.

VOTE GOES TO: Hillary

Mister Freeze, aka Dr. Victor Fries. 

Victor puts the "mad" in mad scientist, as in "mad as hell and not going to take it anymore," with a touch of "madman" thrown in.  A cold personality, Victor has only one real passion in his life, outside of cryogenics, and that is his wife Nora.  His entire life is dedicated to restoring her to full health and getting her out of cryogenic suspension.  This would probably qualify as being, at base, conservative by desire (shooting for family values of a warped variety), however, his love of his wife has turned into a mania.  When love turns into psychosis, it's one of the worst negatives.

On the other hand, Freeze occasionally ends up as an protagonist, sort of, on Batman's side when the situation warrants, so maybe he hasn't been completely warped. So, if we presume that his values haven't been completely distorted beyond all recognition, the psychotic bits may not be that important.

Also, Freeze is also European in background, so we can probably figure him for either very left wing or very right wing, there are no real middle grounds in European politics. So, figure him for more right wing due to him being very focused on his wife.

VOTE GOES TO: Whoever will back his research.

See the previous posts: Captain America
Green Arrow / Green Lantern.
Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
Batman (Bruce Wayne)
Iron Man (Tony Stark)
Daredevil
Deadpool
Catwoman
Superman

Or, while we're all here....try Murphy's Law of Vampires, sequel to the second place Sad Puppies 4 nominee for best novel, and Dragon Award nominated novel Honor at Stake came out yesterday. 

Enjoy.

Who would Captain America vote for? An election special

With Halloween only days away, and my city being screwed up by a hurricane (cue Scorpions song here), I decided to take a more original approach to looking at the upcoming elections.

A while ago, someone decided to take a look at the politics of Captain America, something I thoroughly made fun of him for, though the original author at Salon.com found my article, and declared he was completely tongue in cheek. Honest he was.

In the spirit of going completely and utterly over the top, I figure I would take it one step further.  However, I'm going to tell you right now that this is a joke from minute one to minute last.

Batman, aka Bruce Wayne 

Click to read.

Bruce Wayne has approximately more money than God, deals in advanced technological research, and while he has been known to contribute to the occasional ecological issues, he's also been known to draw the line at basic, reasonable limits (he won't, say, be in favor of sacrificing lives to save an endangered squirrel or something similarly ridiculous).

Also, can you imagine Batman dealing with an Occupy Gotham movement?

There would be pain, there would be fear, and then, they would run screaming for their mommies.

VOTE GOES TO: I think we've got a Romney voter here

Oliver Queen, aka Green Arrow (DC Universe). 

Why, yes.
I do think I'm Robin Hood

For those of you who don't know Green Arrow from the comic books (not the tv show Arrow).... personally, he's sort of like the anti-Batman. Or, as Novel Ninja Matthew Bowman put it, the comic book Green Arrow was like Batman if he had been bitten by a radioactive Robin Hood.

While also from a rich, industrial family, Oliver Queen is Left-Wing. I don't mean Democrat, I mean Left-wing, pseudo-socialist.  Half his conversations with the Justice League involve him screaming "You're all a bunch of fascists!"  I'm not even certain he knows how serious he is about such things.

In any event, it's kinda clear that he'll vote for the most Left-wing politician there is. The only politician like that who will reliably show up on the national stage, including Queen's fictional Starling City, would probably be Barack Obama.

However, since Ollie had been Mayor of Starling City once, he'd probably put himself on the ballot, and promptly vote for himself.

VOTE GOES TO: Either Obama, himself, or the farthest Left-wing candidate available.

Captain America (Steve Rodgers)

Because I'm Captain America, damnit.

Pro-Army, pro-gun, pro-Apple pie, Captain America has spent his entire existence dealing with foreign policy issues.  On social issues, Steve would be very 1940s -- abortion was a dangerous, illegal procedure, and any pills like birth control or contraceptives were also illegal, so that entire issue is a nonstarter.

Economically, his attitude would probably be very much on the order of, "People get their own jobs, right? Well, a little hard work, everything will be fine." Between those two, I think we've got a one-issue voter.   Given the rate of speed the Benghazi disaster is shaping up, I can't imagine him voting for anyone other than Mitt Romney.

VOTE GOES TO: Romney

Iron Man (Tony Stark)

This is a tough one. Despite the movies, billionaire industrialist Tony Stark mostly resides in New York City, which makes him a definite shoe-in for a Democratic voter, no matter who the candidate is.

Also, keep in mind that a lot of Wall Street tycoons are supporters to the Democratic party -- John Corzine, Robert Rubin (Goldman Sachs), Citibank, and George Soros (Democrat and Obama's biggest supporter), Brookfield Asset Management, Lehman Brothers (who now work for the Obama Administration).

On the other hand, Tony Stark is a pro-weapon kind of fellow -- let's face it, he's gone a few steps beyond the second amendment, and his father made the nuclear bomb -- and let's look at most of Tony Stark's villains. He fights Soviet Russians, Communist-Chinese, as well as other competitors. In the comic books, Stark was pretty much supposed to be pro-American, right-wing, supports America's wars sort of fellow.

And he made a killing on all those predator drones....

VOTE GOES TO: Either Stark is a Romney voter, or he'll be spending election day at home, drunk.

Superman, aka Clark Kent

Clark Kent is a big city reporter, and over 80% of journalists are Democrat supporters, so it should go Obama.  Kent has also recently given up a job with the Daily Planet because it was bought but someone who kinda resembles Rupert Murdoch -- evil big business, after all.  So, that would be left-leaning.

On the other hand, Clark Kent was raised in Kansas by a rural farming family. So there's a possibility for Romney.

However, as Superman, he once rescinded his American citizenship for five minutes.

VOTE GOES TO: Romney and Obama, depending on who's writing Superman at the time.


Bruce Banner, aka The Incredible Hulk 

Dr. Bruce Banner, fugitive from practically everybody on the planet, he likes the back end of nowhere, and staying as far from military and local authorities as humanly possible.

Enter Obama, who seems to want to cut the military budget and the US involvement in foreign affairs.  And he has anger management issues.

VOTE GOES TO: Obama.

Nick Fury

Another World War II vet, Nick Fury is a spymaster, will defend the planet against enemies foreign and domestic, which will make him both socially conservative and pro-military.

Then again, he'll want someone he can manipulate.  Or would he want someone who agrees with him already?

VOTE GOES TO: Whoever Fury has rigged the election for, so .... Romney? Maybe?

Daredevil, aka Matthew Murdock

A New York trial lawyer, Daredevil is a natural Obama voter. The ABA backs democrats automatically. Mathew Murdock is also all about community. I could see him as a supporter of Occupy Wall Street, if his super sense of smell didn't cripple him every time he found a client who never showered.

On the other hand, Matt Murdock has always been Catholic.  He's very Catholic .....

Then again, he's a bit of a man-whore in the Marvel Universe. He'd be interested in contraceptives, if only to keep potential child support payments to a minimum.

VOTE GOES TO: Obama

[MORE BELOW THE BREAK]

Disasters to Marvel At, the Revenge: A Brief History in Comics.

(This post is dedicated to all of those comic book fans who are single this Valentine's Day. If you're interested in a romance-themed blog, check out last week here.)

We interrupt this week's blog post (originally on writing) to bring you this update.

Which reason do you like?

Thus far, the most read post this blog has been "Disasters to Marvel At: A Comic Discussion," where I reviewed about five years of Marvel comics' story lines, and came to the conclusion that they were gimmick-ridden, hackneyed plots, and that Disney should make Joe Quesada walk the plank off the top of 666 5th Avenue. 

I wrote it in November.

 In January, Joe Quesada was "promoted" from Chief Editor to "creative consultant." 

In the Catholic Church, the Vatican also has a tendency to "promote" certain bishops to come to Rome.  And they're never heard from again, because they're put into the deepest, darkest little cubicle the Vatican has.

So, Joe Q's promotion pretty much sounds like a way of saying "We'll put him someplace where he can't hurt anything."

Why would I say that?  Let's take a (very) brief look at the kind of stupidity coming out of Marvel lately.