CLFA Book Bomb, October 2016

The Conservative Libertarian Fiction Alliance is doing their monthly book bomb. These are JUST the books I know of in particular, or the authors in particular.  These are not all of them. The total list is right here.

Enjoy.

New Releases

Rachel and the Many-Splendored Dreamland (The Books of Unexpected Enlightenment Book 3) by L. Jagi Lamplighter
Third Book of Unexpected Enlightenment: It’s Halloween at the Roanoke Academy for the Sorcerous Arts, and Rachel Griffin is stirring up the dead! (See “$1.99 or Less” category below to get Book 1 – currently FREE.)

Dragonblood: A Collection of Short Stories by Sarah A. Hoyt
From the trenches of WWI where the Red Baron just can’t help turning into a dragon, to the desert sands of a future world where humans have become something else, from a coffee shop between worlds where magicians gather, to a place where your worst nightmare can love you, let Dragon Blood take you on a series of fantastic adventures.

Discovery by Karina Fabian
Humanity’s first contact with beings from beyond the solar system is bound to unlock the mystery of life in the universe, but the crew have their own secrets; hidden fears, desires, horrible sins – and a mission to kill.

Sad Puppies Bite Back by Declan Finn

Based on a true story, then completely twisted.

Days of Future Past – Part 1: Past Tense by John Van Stry
Paul’s instructor just got drafted by some mystical goddess to help save a world. As for Paul? Well, he’s really not supposed to be there, and if he thought he was having a bad day before all of this, it just got worse, a lot worse. He’s now on a one way trip, forced to help a man who despises him while at the mercy of the world’s biggest trickster.

Van Ripplewink: You Can’t Go Home Again by Paul Clayton
48 years dead, seventeen year old Van Ripplewink wakes in a dark, muddy field…

$1.99 or Less (October 17 & 18)*

The Unexpected Enlightenment of Rachel Griffin (Books of Unexpected Enlightenment Book 1) by L. Jagi Lamplighter FREE!

Curiosity may kill a cat, but nothing stops Rachel Griffin! “Fringe meets Narnia at Hogwarts”

Sad Puppies Bite Back XV: Bite Harder

If you are new here, this is part of a series. The whole series is collected at the Sad Puppies Tab Above

This is the end.  It's over.  The Hugo awards were announced this past Saturday, and the votes are in. It's done.

Wow.  Who knew you could carry a joke this far?

There are some more SWATting incidents I typed up, mainly because one person was ready-made, and one person made an offhand comment that I felt compelled to follow up on.  I would have SWATted John C. Wright earlier, but between the problem of trying to SWAT a brain in a jar, and having never read him, I had nothing to go on until I interviewed him for the show.

Now, a word on Vox Day / Theodore Beale.  He's ... a nerd.

I saw him speak during a webinar giving commentary on the Hugos.  A woman I watched with? Called him cuddly.  He supports the Wrights' superversive fiction movement, and ....

I was promised Darth Vader, damnit!  I got Dark Helmet!

Funny thing, Vox pretty much called the results from the other day as the Webinar started.  Then again, he almost sounded surprised about how vicious they were against the Sad Puppy nominees.

Anyway, and now, for the final time ....

UNLEASH THE PUPPIES.

John C. Wright

"The Brain"

[SWAT kicks door in, swarms house. In the front den is John C. Wright, the living brain in a jar, pounding out a novel using telekinesis.]

[JCW keeps typing]  Can I help you gentlemen? You could have knocked you know, it would have been possible that I would have even invited you in and explained the situation; though I had expected it much much sooner than this.

[SWAT team looks confused.  SWAT #1 looks at JCW.] We had reports of --

[JCW] --a deranged man waving a gun around, I know; I had figured; after all, it was inevitable, giving the current climate in which we reside. After the first few threats to my livelihood, I've managed to become accustomed to this level of stupidity and hostility that has been thrust upon me by the reprobates at Tor Books and the Morlocks who follow them.  We will not even discuss the loathsome comments of one Irene Gallo. Just because I dared to be unapologetically Catholic; I'm becoming tired of this general destructive nature of the luecrottas.  Somehow, I am a racist, though Catholicism is not a racial characteristic but a spiritual one, and sainthood is not an inherited characteristic.

[SWAT #1] Well, um, sir --?

[JCW] Yes, I'm a sir. I may be a brain, but I'm not gender-neutral.

[SWAT #1] We should probably leave now.  Obviously, someone made a mistake.

[JCW] By all means, leave. But there was no mistake. After all, look up the imbecility of the situation online, you'll learn that this was quite deliberate.  Just ignore anything that attaches me to GamerGate -- the only gamer who has read my work is one Daddy Warpig. Were I a pagan, I'm certain that I would erect a suitable shrine to Daddy Warpig, a stepped pyramid rising from the steaming jungles of Mexico, adorned with larger-than-life marble statues of raging boars coated with hammered gold, on which to sacrifice captive foes, and offer their still beating hearts to his glory!  AH hahahahahahaha!

[SWAT team looks decidedly uncomfortable.]

[JCW] Of course, I'm joking. It is almost depressing that I am required to say that to be understood.

[SWAT] Goodbyem sir.

[JCW] Good day, all.

[JCW  continues to pound out his novel, starring Vatican ninjas, Aslan in powered armor, fighting Kaiju demons]

Yeah, I've been told for quite some time that I had to include JCW in my SWATting, it just took me a while to figure out a way to properly pull it off.  And, yes, I did C&P a lot of his text from the attached links, but that's because he has such a distinct style of speaking, I wanted to nail it down. 

Penny "Kitteh Dragon" Redford

[SWAT opens door. It was unlocked. They charge in. SWAT leader accidentally kicks a small cat. Cat seems to be completely unharmed as it lands on its feet with a heavy thud, as though it was a heavier animal. SWAT sweeps and clears the home. They regroup in the living room.]

[SWAT #1] Did dispatch give us the wrong address?

[SWAT #2] I don't think so.

[SWAT #1 squints at a sign on the wall]  What's that? "Don't feed the kitty-dragon"? What the hell is a that? Sounds like something a kid would make up.

[Cat pads it way to center of room, and open its mouth wide, as though it's yawning, and then breathes fire, singing the nearest SWAT members.]

[SWAT #1]  RUN!!!!

Redford is an acquaintance of mine on Facebook, and oft refers to "Kitteh Dragon" in her posts. You can understand why I had to do this.

The Puppies of WoldCon, an Epilogue

UPDATE:  It's now a series. Click the Sad Puppies tab above for new content.

Or: Sad Puppies Bite Back, Part IV

So, yeah, here we go again.

I hang out with a lot of writers.  They have liked the previous Sad Puppy stories.  So they give me bits of business they would have liked to have seen....

The cycle begins anew.

If you're someone who hasn't been enjoying these articles ... feel free to comment and tell me something you DO want to see. I've been posting Puppies every other day, so tell me what you'd want to see on those days. I'm running out of music blogs anyway.  There will be a book review tomorrow.

While I think about it -- MY VAMPIRE NOVEL FINAL EDITS ARE DONE.  The next step is typesetting, then publishing. I'm told it might get to be published by September, so that should be interesting.

By the way, in other news, I'm thinking of posting A Pius Legacy (book 2) for free on Kindle in the next month. So watch this space for more on that. I figure that since A Pius Man is book 1, A Pius Stand is book 3, this should be like making people want to see A New Hope and Return of the Jedi by handing out Empire Strikes Back.  We'll see if that works.

But that's for later.

Now?

UNLEASH THE PUPPIES.

MATT BOWMAN, THE NOVEL NINJA

[SWAT comes up to a house made entirely of Lego Bricks.  They hit the door with a battering ram. The door disintegrates.  The SWAT team tries to charge in, but the Lego bricks act like caltrops, and hurt like a bastard.  They swarm through the house until they end up in the bed room. There is The Novel Ninja, Matthew Bowman, clothed in black from head to toe, sitting in a wheelchair.  He sits back, fingers steepled, perfectly calm]  May I help you gentlemen?

[SWAT leader looks confused] 911 had a call of a madman waving a gun around, threatening to kill someone.

[Bowman spreads his hands to indicate the rest of the house]  You obviously didn't find anyone else in the house, and I assure you I haven't been waving a gun around. I propose to you that I have been SWATted, a tactic of certain groups that involves calling in fake 911 calls upon their political adversaries, or people they merely don't like. One of the first incidents on record happened with an Erick Ericsson of Red State news, a conservative news service online. Though we really should look back on similar, older tactics that have been utilized since the dawn of...

[Bowman continues, weaving together a history of Chestertonian thought, Catholic history, Civilization IV, narrative, and, somehow, Lego.  One SWAT member starts bleeding from the eyes and ears, one suffers a grand mal seizure. The others fall back, blasting occasional cover fire.]

[Bowman] ...so you had no grounds for exigent circumstances.

[Bowman waits a moment to listen for the total silence.  He gives a little nod, then wheels himself over to a wall.  He opens up a secret panel.  Inside, there is a wheelchair that looks like it was created for Professor X, only modified by technicians from Mad Max. It is simply labeled "Convention Wheelchair."]  I'll reserve you for DragonCon.

[Bowman looks to a yellow suit hanging next to the wheelchair] I'll use you next time. Maybe if I ever go to WorldCon.

A few things on this one.  Mr. Bowman is a friend, and we've both kidded about his ability to use ten words when one can do. 

Matt doesn't actually call himself "The Novel Ninja," it's just the name of his blog / business. But that doesn't stop, well, anyone, really, from using it as a personal noun, not for just his business.

And if you don't get the Yellow Suit reference ... why aren't you watching The Flash?

Puppies Come to WorldCon

Update: Despite the ending notes, this is now a whole series. [Click tab above for more]

Sad Puppies Bite Back (Part 3)

The "Sad Puppies" parody world I have created in my head is slowly taking over my brain, so bear with me.

If you haven't read the last two parody blogs, you might be new here.  This started with a thought: what if Sad Puppy authors were SWATted (part 1)? Then it sort of drifted from the "ringleaders" in part one (Correia, Torgersen, Hoyt) to "mere" supporters in part two (Kratman, Ringo, Weber).

While I was chatting briefly with Tom Knighton, mentioning that the tank really was all him, I was struck with a thought: What would happen if the Puppies showed up at World Con, where the Hugos are handed out?  And not the real ones, the ones I've created here.

Stop me before I post again!

... But until that point, more puppies.  I just hope this isn't too much inside baseball, like with It Was Only On Stun!

Though for those people who know what I'm talking about, it may not be ENOUGH inside baseball.

If you're surprised that this has come to a point ... you're not the only one.

William "The Morrigan" Lehman

Lehman asked for this. Literally. Never say I am not obliging.

[Lone SWAT guy comes to submarine held in drydock (literally. On stilts, on dry land). SWAT guy knocks on the hull.  From the conn tower pops The Morrigan, William Lehman, looking more like a pirate than Johnny Depp ever will, parrot on one shoulder, cutlass in hand]  Avast! Who goes there?

[SWAT guy] Hey, Will, it's James. How're you doing?

[WL] Ahoy matey! What can I do for ye?

["James"] 911 called us, they got a report of you threatening someone with a gun?

[WL] Nonsense! All me muskets are locked up tight.

[James nods]  That's what we figured.  We knew something was off when they called your place a house. You hosted too many shindigs back when you worked with us on the force. See ya around.

[WL] By the way, matey, what day is it?

[James mentions date]  Avast! I must be off!

No, that's not the end of the story. Wait for it.