Call back post -- Bad Romance: How to be a Cynical Romantic

This first aired on my blog four years ago.

It's hard to remember that I had a blog for so long.

Anyway, this kind of tells you where I am as far as personal development goes. I went from "I'm a cynical bastard" to writing romance novels. Who knew?

Anyway, the next few days should be very much like this.  I have a guest coming into New York City for the next few days, and I'm going to be playing tour guide all the way.

This one is a little strange to look at.  The profile on Manana has been modified due to image issues, and the original pic is replaced with the lovely and talented author Kia Heavey.  If you haven't read her books, I do recommend them.

Again, there will be several of these over the next few days, so yes, I'll be out and about. There will be a radio show on Sunday, and that should go up, And I may even have a music post squeezed in somewhere.  But I'll be wrapped up until around Tuesday. And, since my blog audience has more than tripled since then, this should be new to a great many people.

Be well, all.

Enjoy.

Music to Write To: Cruxshadows - Marilyn My Bitterness

Ah, a bit of music for my love life. :)

Also, Lego.

Reflections on the Ring: One ring to rule them all.

Let's look a little at Existentialism 101. Don't worry, I won't bore you with a lot of details. One thought in Existentialism states that, since we are so radically changing, the concept of binding yourself to someone forever merely limits you, and binds your potential and chains your freedom for enslavement.  Welcome to Jean Paul Sartre, 101.

At the other end of the Existentialism spectrum, you have the Catholic philosopher Gabriel Marcel, who concluded that marriage is the ultimate act of freedom.  In marriage, we freely choose to commit to someone for the rest of our lives. Two people have decided to give their entire lives to one another.

End of lesson.

Now, as most of you may have noticed, I don't generally, as a rule, read chick-lit. Sherrilyn Kenyon? Sure. She's got an interesting fantasy universe, and I'm a bit of a romantic sap at times.

Then there was (deep breath) Reflections on the Ring: An Ordinary Woman’s Extraordinary Tale of How She Saved Her Marriage and Family.... yes, it's a bit of a title. And if you think the title is a little much, the back of the book is as follows.

Most women harbor dreams of a fairytale wedding and marriage. And while some do achieve it all, they are in the minority. For most of us the reality of living out our daily lives with another person demands compromise and commitment. Yes, it takes two to make a marriage, but someone has to take the lead. Why not let that person be you?

That’s the timeless life lesson author Lori Colombo Dunham learned when an unplanned pregnancy rocked her entire world back in 2001. Having only known her baby’s father for a short time, she agonized as to what God’s plan would be for her marriage and family once she and her partner decided that embarking upon an unanticipated marital union was the right thing to do under the circumstances.

So she bid her girlhood dreams of an elegant church wedding goodbye to exchange vows in a sterile county courthouse, mourning for what could have been. Little did she know that inauspicious beginning would lead to a magnificent marital and family life beyond her wildest dreams

Anyway, Daria Anne asked me to take a look at it, and she's hosted me enough times so that I could give her the benefit of the doubt. She coauthored it, so how bad could it be?

In fact, when I got it, I noticed it was less of a book and more of a pamphlet. 

So, was it good? Sure.  I'd give it about three to four stars, definitely leaning on A for effort, A for narrative style, and a B for execution.

Why wouldn't I give it five star?  Well, I had to slog through a few pages here and there. Have you ever had the prose of a book turn you off? Five pages in, I was going to just stop reading, lie to Daria and say that something had come up and I wouldn't finish this in time. There were at least two pages of mea culpa that just rubbed me the wrong way.
 Thankfully, the cringe-worthy setup rhetoric was wonderfully deflated by more sarcastic, wry commentary.  For example, describing "Tom... the male character in an ill-fated courtship that led to my starring role in a summer romance novel." Or, perhaps,

"Samantha, one of the most glamorous girls in the group... never misses a Pilates class or dares to leave her house without flawless hair and makeup, even if she’s only headed to Publix..She fixed her big blue eyes upon me with the same intensity a prosecutor might employ while interrogating a witness."

While not my usual thing, I liked it. There were moments at the beginning that I was tempted to shut things down, but thankfully, the narrative saved it. It keeps the rest of the book from becoming a collection of misery or a collection of sap. The narrative flow worked here.

Now, sure, there are a few problems here and there than just the opening. For example? Chapter 3 ends with Christmas, 2004.  Chapter 4 opens with October 2006 ... so, where did 2005 go?  There was at least one incident (a nice looking neighborhood populated by unpleasant people) that I wanted a chapter out of, if only to explain how she just knew some of what she described. And the plot twists at the end .... one plot twist undercut the impact of the other, which made me a little annoyed.

The book focuses heavily on faith and politics.  If you ever wanted to by a Dr. Laura book, don't bother, just pick this one up instead.  Aside from a lot of Catholic mea culpa in the opening, and Italian cultural tropes, it was heavy on the personal spirituality, and light on the religion... She obviously prays, reads her bible, etc, and "would rather go to my church than take from the government," but aside from "not dragging her husband to church," her faith seems to exist in a complete vacuum. So, if that's a problem for you, you know it's here. (For those of you wondering what the difference is, spirituality is your personal relationship with life, the universe, and everything, usually God; religion is where you go out and worship with other people in a community.)

At the end of the day, it was an interesting little book, and readable enough even for a hardened cynic like me.

Month in review, February, 2012. Thank God it's over.

Another month shot to Hell.

So far, this is possibly the most stressful, and the worst month in my recent memory.  It's also involved the most politics, so my bet is that there's a connection there.

My first blog of the month was the review of last month, but the first real article was on making a villain. It's simpler than one might think... and far more complicated.

There looked like there was going to be a problem with my writing .... and I'd like to thank Karina, among others, for their support .... but I managed to struggle through.

I started with a little filler -- a Catholic news roundup in the middle of the month, mainly because there was so much stupidity floating around.  Remember what I said about too much politics?  This was it.

I did an anatomy of a breakup, using one of my own collapsing friendships to illustrate the point. I thought it was appropriate for Valentine's day.  First the initial incident, then the emotional fallout, and then wondering what to do about all the promises made and debts unfulfilled.

Then I went into hiding.

Thankfully, I still had even more articles to summarize, in The War On God.

Music blogs.

This was the month of Lindsey Stirling, really.  She did a beautiful version of Lord of the Rings, and followed it up with one of her own works.  It's quite lovely all around, really.

Self Defense

There were almost no Self Defense posts this month, but they talked me into it.

The How-To Columns of self defense.

There is a local law enforcement seminar, if anyone in New York is interested

And, there's something on how to punch someone.

That's it.  Be well everyone.  By next Monday, I hope to have some good news.  Because in 11 hours and 55 minutes, I'm going to be sending another book off to a publisher. Here's hoping.

Anatomy of a breakup, 3: promises to keep

"The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."  ~Robert Frost.

So, after the dust settles from the emotional mushroom cloud, what happens then?

Of course, you're wondering: what do you mean? It's over. You recover, you move on.

But there are promises we each make in a relationship, aren't there?  I made promises to her.  She wanted some help on writing fights scenes, and she wanted my input of what a guy would feel in certain romantic situations. Technically, I think these blogs would cover the latter, if she ever read them (I'm still betting she doesn't), but I can't consult on fight scenes without making them generic   I'm tempted to write her a fight scene or two and email them straight to her.

Why? Because I promised.  She stopped the friendship, but does that release me from the obligations I put myself under?

I'm not going to ask her, because I'm seriously not certain I could tolerate an answer one way or another. If she says yes, am I supposed to be angry that she'd take advantage of my good nature to have me write? And what if I wasn't angry? And if I fulfilled my duty, wouldn't that be awkward to work with her on it? Not to mention, if she refused free assistance, how much must she truly hate me?

My attempt at a chibi

And she made promises to me. She said she wanted to return all of the efforts I put in to helping her sell some online products, by helping me sell my book when the time came. Should I really hold her to that?  She also wanted to draw me a Vatican Ninja chibi ... mainly because the ones I created on my computer kind of sucked, and she insisted that "A Pius Man deserves better than that." (Looking at my artwork (on the right) who can disagree with her?)

Then again, at one point, she also offered me use of stunt people she knew who owed her a favor .... this was back when I first started filming book trailers. I thought she might be quite nice for Maureen McGrail. She had the right coloring, and such beautiful green eyes ....

Anyway, how does one enforce a promise? Especially with someone who unilaterally cut off a friendship. The bonds of friendship have no hold then, right?  She said nothing of debts and promises, like the past never happened. But it did happen.  So, do I fulfill my promise to her, regardless of whether she asks or not, or whether she fulfills her promises or not?

The point is, for you writers taking notes, is that there is never a clean break in a relationship -- friendship or dating.  There will always be some part of the past than sticks around, whether you like it or not, whether your characters like it or not. And these relationships will stick with your characters in one way or another. It will alter how they approach similar situations; sometimes they may even approach dissimilar situations differently because of a surface similarity.

For example, I made compromises that ensured I kept my virtue intact against an amorous woman, and those compromises eventually resulted in her drugging me.  Now, I've drawn an even harder line, one that only two people so far have met. And one of those people never wants to talk with me again.  How will this relationship affect me in the long run?  No idea, I'm not even over it yet.

Though, for you writers out there, how would your character be affected in the long run?  What will linger? Will memories? Scents? Gifts from one to another? Or promises to keep? Debts unpaid and oaths forsworn?  Yes, this is over dramatic, but it does depend on the context, doesn't it?

Anyway, that's the last in this series. I hope you've all found this ... well, at least entertaining, if not useful.  I'm not big into reading angst, but then again, Twilight has a large following, so what do I know?

So .... anyway, something amusing for those of you people who have been depressed, or feel cheated by these blogs.  I give you something perfectly nerdy, and perfectly romantic.

A Portal Proposal.

Anatomy of a Breakup, 2: Emotional Fall out, and (Bruce) Banner moments

Happy Valentine's day.  If you are having a good Valentine's day, with a great date all planned (or already done, if you're smart and did it on the weekend), then you might want to read today's earlier article, and this one, so you can be happy you're not me. Trust me, if you want to appreciate what you have, it's good to know what happens when you lose it.

Now, the earlier article was all about an example of a relationship / friendship falling to pieces.  In this cases, it fell apart over the course of months with one party not even being aware of it.

That ignorant buffoon I speak of is, of course, myself.

So, how should a character react to having a relationship suddenly and expectantly go south on him? Well, in A Pius Man, when relationships go south, guns are pulled out.  Earlier, I mentioned CS Lewis' book On Grief, and my reaction was much the same as the traditional stages of grief ... well, partially.

Denial: I didn't cry, mainly because my body has forgotten how to cry in full-out sobbing format. There were tears, but not all that much. I was quite, quite numb. I don't know if it counts as denial, but I couldn't think very clearly.  This woman was my best friend for years.  She brought out every good instinct in me.  My friends could see it, I could see it.  I was a better person because she was in my life.  She defined all of my best qualities, and made me want her good qualities. There had to be a mistake here.  Just because she didn't "love" love me, didn't mean the friendship was over, did it? That didn't make sense. Could it? I had to be wrong. I had to have misread it. I had to have been illiterate. This was my best friend. I told her everything. And I mean everything.  She would have told me to my face if she believed what I read -- at least on the phone.

Bargaining: My next thought was to make certain I understood everything involved, included that this was the end of the friendship as well. I asked her if I should cancel my ticket to California -- a plan we had been working on for 8 months now -- and she said yes.  Not only was she not in love with me -- which I could live with -- but she didn't even want to hang out. She couldn't care about me as a friend. That nail gun sound is sealing the coffin on our friendship.

Anger: Oh, I have that part down.  As I write this (the week of the 5th), I am quite a powder keg.  I have had to de-friend people on Facebook whom I normally tolerate because I am ready to tear them a few new orifices.  I am generally not a "nice" person, though I shoot for merely "good".  This week, I want to hurt something.  On the bright side, my cardio class and punching bag routines went over like a dream. Lift weights? No problem. Roll out the punching bags and beat them across the floor? Hell yes.

The strange thing is that I'm not angry at anyone in particular. Everything, yes, but no one person. I'm not even angry at the one who initiated this.  Could I do things to hurt her, even though she's 3,000 miles away? Sure, that's easy. I could write to her father to tell him about the whole relationship from start to finish, and he's a bastard, and no mistake; there is Facebook, and the internet, and all the various and sundry ways you can hurt someone that way -- it's not rocket science, any internet troll can do that.

Would I do anything to hurt her, though? No.  That has no interest for me, and it makes me physically ill to even contemplate doing it.

It's possible that I took my confusion to be anger -- it's possible, since I'm quite confused. This came out of nowhere, even though she said she'd been writing the letter for months. Her telling me to redeem my ticket implies that she was jerking me around about the California trip as recently as three weeks before the letter. So, was she lying to me the whole time? Did something happen since then?

There is a lot of adrenaline flowing in me.  I have redhead genes (redheads do have surges of adrenaline, more than the average person), but my heart will sometimes race, and I feel all the fear and excitement of a particularly dangerous roller coaster ride, only without any of the enjoyment such a ride should entail.  It is the fear and excitement more akin to my being strangled in Krav Maga, back to when I had no idea what I was doing, and the training partner was really trying to kill me. Only this time, there is no endorphin chaser once the choke is broken, but my body feels like it's constantly under attack.
[More below the break.]

Anatomy of a breakup, part 1: "Dear John"

[I think at the end of the day that this is a writing resource. For those of you who have never had a bad breakup, enjoy -- because this is what you'll never have to go through, and you will never need to. I am recording it all for you right now.]

This is just some of how I do chivalry in my novels

When CS Lewis, the author of the Chronicles of Narnia, lost his wife, he went out and wrote a book about it.  It was simply called On Grief.

Last week, as you may have noticed, a very dear friend, in fact, someone I was in love with, sent me a Dear John letter.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept, a breakup letter. At least, it usually is.

In this case, it was kind of confusing on multiple levels, and not that simple. I was in love with her; her, not so much. I didn't make it a secret, nor did I force the issue. But "breakup" is the way to summarize what happened.

Anyway, why am I writing this? Well, I thought last week that I would simply go into hibernation and leave the blog alone. My mood is not healthy. I was usually an inch away from biting someone's head off. Several "friends" of mine whose disrespectful views I usually tolerate got on my last nerve, and it was either cut off all contact, or eviscerate them in a public forum online.  And I even partially failed at that, too.

However, this is Valentine's day. And, ironically, the Dear John letter arrived almost a year to the day after one of my last blogs on the subject of romance in writing. So, this is sort of perfect timing.

So, in the tradition of CS Lewis, more or less, I am going to give you the anatomy of a breakup.

[As a disclaimer, I know what you're thinking -- is he using his blog to take subtle shots at this ex-friend of his? No. That would presume she reads the blog. As I noted last time, it was a 50/50 chance she read that blog, and it's a sure thing that the odds are even less this time, don't you think?  Also: I am not reading the letter, I am not quoting it, I am reconstructing it as best as I can from memory.]

[More below the break.]

There might be some delay

A while ago, I mentioned that I was in love with someone. I blogged about it, I did an analysis of it.

And now I've been burned by it.

That's as many details as I feel like giving right now. It hurts -- literally, my head is pounding and my eyes are burning right this minute -- and trying to come up with something else to write basically makes me feel like someone is driving a spike into my brain.

So I may not be doing an awful lot of blogging right now. Much of what I've done with this blog has been one week at a time, and occasionally one day at a time.  So, unless someone releases a large load of cool music right this minute, the odds of a regular blog are ... unlikely.

Well, I'm also hoping to hear back from Mercedes Lackey and her publisher about granting me an interview, so I suspect that's up for grabs too.  Odds are more likely than not I will be posting erratically, at best.

I'm sorry about this, everyone. I didn't exactly expect my social life to interfere with the blog. But then again, I never had a social life to interfere before.

Until then, be well everybody.  

-Me

"Suffer characters suffer!" Jim Butcher & JMS

I love screwing around with my characters, about as much as I like messing around with my audience.

Over time, we've talked about who can you trust in A Pius Man, how I like to keep my characters vague ... sometimes the most vague being the one who is the most blunt.

Now, I didn't get into writing to be a sadist of my own personal playthings. Unlike some authors, like J. Michael Straczynski, I don't "torture my characters." In some cases, like JMS, he does it literally.

And guys like Jim Butcher have literally said "Suffer characters, suffer!" in describing his writing style.  Back at DragonCon, he practically leaped at the microphone when asked about beating up on characters, and said "I'll take that one."

In my case, I just enjoy giving them mental problems that confuse the hell out of them.

And, also in my case, I like throwing in a love story, just to screw with some of them.

I've been in love.  As someone with two BAs, a masters degree, and more PhD credits than I want to think about, dealing with women has been one of the more interesting situations I've ever had to deal with.

So, I took what has turned out to be one of my most frighteningly intelligent characters, Scott Murphy, and gave him a different problem to work on: not only does he have to figure out who killed an al-Qaeda terrorist, but he also has to figure out ........ "Am I falling in love?  Damnit!"

It's fun watching characters beat their heads against a wall in frustration, especially when they try to logic their way out of a romantic situation.

Okay, I have to steal the line....

Suffer, characters, suffer!!!!!!!

I feel like there should be a "muahaha" in there somewhere.

From Comic books readers and Scifi fans, to James Patterson and back. Why anyone can enjoy a Pius Man

[Author's note: this was originally going to be a note on Marketing. It didn't turn out that way.]


What do you call a book chock full of hundred year old conspiracies, dangerous priests, psychotic mercenaries, operatives trained to kill practically from birth, international political intrigue, a terrorist plot, and a wide ranging collection of protagonists the likes of which the world hasn't seen since the team that took out Dracula?


You call it A Pius Man.

Now, who should read it? On the face of it, it seems like yet another in a long line of bad Da Vinci Code ripoffs that have come out in legion since Dan Brown's super-hyped novel hit the scene an interminable amount of time ago. However, while my book has conspiracies and religion, that's more or less where the similarities end. There will be no puzzles, the French will not be a threat, and no one will spend dozens of pages finding their way out of an art museum.

That said, there are some people who just don't read thrillers. Understandable, it's a term so generic you can toss a net over a whole host of authors... some of whom probably should have a net thrown over them anyway, just to be safe. However, when a field is as vast as the comic-bookish feel of Clive Cussler's NUMA novels, to the theoretical science of James Rollins, to a Barry Eisler novel, half of which takes place in the head of his protagonist, assassin John Rain. It's almost as diverse a group as public Catholic figures—as Oscar Wilde used to say: Here Comes Everybody. Can't call it a historical thriller, because then it will be mistaken for a period peace like the Sharpe's novels of Bernard Cornwell—I wouldn't mind having his audience, but they might feel gypped to find it set in the 21st century.

So, who the hell should read this book?


Comic book fans: My first agent drew parallels between the team of protagonists and the Justice League—possibly since this is the most international team since the original Dracula. One character has already been compared to Deadpool—of the comic, not the film. Throw in adversaries who seem preternaturally strong, fast, and trained... well, it's not like fighting the Hordes of Hydra, but my villain isn't exactly the Red Skull. Some are as serious as a police procedural, and some might as well have wanted to be Doc Savage when they grew up. One of them even works with “Middle Earth's Most Wanted Elven Assassin,” and no, I'm not kidding.


Science Fiction fans—who will hopefully forgive me for calling it “SciFi” above: Key pieces of this story involve NLW technology. Or, in standard English, non-lethal weaponry. Microwave cannons that emit plasma beams, tazer beam weapons, gases, explosives; if it's been mentioned, or appeared in a semi-realistic video game, it's probably in there. Throw in the laser-keyboards and the microwave microphones, you can outfit a small Sharper Image store.


Spy fans: International intrigue? Got it. Shadowy figures? Check. Conspiracy theories? At least five of them, and three are right. We also have: the obligatory evil Cardinal; a pale, silver haired priest with commando training (not to be confused with an albino, of course); the Jesuits, the Opus Dei, and the Knights Templar all show up, just so I can play with some of the old cliches


Readers of history: Yes, A Pius Man actually has historical facts. Literally, they happened. This is a book where the history presented in its pages can be footnoted. I know this because the original draft had footnotes. It was suggested that I take them out... however, I still have the bibliography in the back.


People who like intelligent destruction: There's an assassination on page two, an explosion on page three, a wrecked car by page seven, and a mercenary with a resume that reads like scripts of the A-Team. We'll ignore the shootout on the Spanish Steps in the armored SUV. Death, property damage, and utter ruination are always good for an audience. It worked for four Die Hard films.


Political folk: As much as I loathe to admit it, there's politics in this novel. It goes to motivation for the various and sundry parties. Besides: how do you negotiate being a Catholic—universal—Church? Unlike being a superpower, like the United States, you can't pick and choose who you associate with just because they're valuable to you. If that were the case, I wouldn't have a friend whose uncle is a missionary in China. And what happens when you put an African Pope who's to the right of Attila the Hun into the middle of this particular hurricane?

At the end of the day, the only people who should probably NOT read A Pius Man are those who expect a novel by way of Mitchner, or Clavell. Half of the book is filled with thoughtful, drawn out characters who are trying to think their way through the problem at hand. The other half of the book is filled with various and sundry creative ways to lay waste to large parts of Rome—from shooting up the Spanish Steps to trashing Leonardo Da Vinci airport.

Oh, and there's a love story in there, too.

And this is just the first book. Book two is the fallout, and countermoves by those bad guys who survive book one. Book three is where I recreate the Battle of Thermopylae.... if the 300 had possessed remote-detonated landmines.


Anyway, if you or any of your friends might enjoy anything listed above, you might want to join the fan page, or invite them to tag along. Or both.